Boy standing on the sandy shore,
The definition of what my love was for.
Cotton candy sky mirrored his sweet tone,
Reflecting on his face all the colors it'd shone.
Salty scent of the sea shifting in the air,
Gently fluttered his golden hair.
Tantalizing sun glowed deep in his eyes,
The spark in my core was hard to deny.
Smooth waves washing up at his feet,
Graced sand where life and nature meet.
Softness of worn rocks reminded of pure sin,
Wordlessly our faces held a similar grin.
Silently watching as the setting fades to gray,
Darkness gave distance but revoked the day.
The long night brought back an altered scene,
But memories shine through in every sunny dream.
A contest entry
- ~ Cherished Prewrites ~ by Sunkissed xo.
1000 points, ended November 15, 2008, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - LOVE by happy-lil-artemis.
720 points, ended December 15, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - absolutly anything! by nobodys-girl.
527 points, ended December 29, 2008, 81 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
=]
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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this is ao beautiful....really its just amazing...thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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good job on the write and congrates on the gold you resever for it in cherished prewrites
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congrats on the trophy...beautiful in every way with powerful expressions..
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aww this is lovely. the imagery here is absolutely stunning, and you write with spirit, imagination and passion. the emotions you evoke in readers are also very strong through your beautiful words. well done, this is a magnificent write! thanks so much for entering the contest, best of luck in it!
peace ♥ -
hats off!
My favorite line "Cotton candy sky mirrored his sweet tone". This is from KitKat -
You nailed it!
Karley -
The alliteration and intricate word-play clearly demonstrate your poetic prowess. The line I particularly like is "The spark in my core was hard to deny." -
WOOT!!! WOOT!!!
SOUNDS GOOD WRITE MORE PLZ.
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i love the imagery written behind this theme
and the words here were beautifully breathtaking =]
i don't know if you'll take tabbyjoy's suggestion
(i don't know if it needs editing since i'm not that good
with poetry much ^^')
but if you will do that, you can change 'in his eyes' into 'in his eye' to rhyme with 'deny' lol!
nevertheless, i pretty much love this piece written here, all right =]
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Nice One!
Another hit! Wow! Your on a roll kiddo! I do agree with TabbyJoy on the "Dispise" & Deny" Though. The word "dispise" Kind of take away the beautiy of the poem I think. "deny" is softer.. Sorry if any of my words are spelled wrong. I'm typing without my flasses. Forgot them in the truck down the road. But I can read poems by backing up from screen.
Great jpob your writing has grown to awesome levels!
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alright alright I changed it=] You guys have been writing way longer than me, and if you think it sounds good that way, than I do too =P.
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I agree with Tabby.
This was indeed a most worthy poem to read. I agree with Tabby in that the imagery was wonderful. It made for a relaxing read this evening. I like to unwind before going to bed. Certainly I am glad to have read this one. -
Lovely imagery, lady
The rhyme was natural in most places. I would suggest changing "despise" to "deny" in line eight. Yeah, it doesn't end with the same letters as "eyes," but it still sounds like it rhymes when you read it. And to me, it is a lot more natural. Thanks for sharing this sweet little poem.
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