Too soon they bring the candles and the shroud;
These wailing women bore me with their cries,
I will not go, my spirit is unbowed.
The pall of incense hovers like a cloud,
I damn these cardinals, their pious guise,
Too soon they bring the candles and the shroud.
For I will live another score I've vowed
To see our banners rise in brighter skies.
I will not go, my spirit is unbowed.
I watch them all, this sad and motley crowd,
Each one would take my crown to be his prize;
Too soon they bring the candles and the shroud.
My armour is of justice, I am proud
No cunning is connived behind these eyes
I will not go, my spirit is unbowed.
So bring the wine, and toast me long and loud,
Make merry, there will be no sad goodbyes,
Too soon they bring the candles and the shroud,
I will not go, my spirit is unbowed.
A contest entry
- A contest for villanelles. by ecrivain01.
450 points, ended May 15, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Great Villanelle by Victory Gin.
3150 points, ended November 21, 2008, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Never Ending Rhyme Pre-Writes Allowed Contest by piccola.
700 points, ended February 14, 34 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - #180 Winklings Sonneteers & Villanellists invite you in! by Lyndon.
2400 points, ended July 7, 32 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can You Win More Than Once? by MJ Forgives.
1218 points, ended November 12, 224 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 53 of 53
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A really great poem. Congratulations on all the trophies. Makes me admire you more. I enjoyed reading your poem. I hope you do well in my contest and thanks for entering. Love and Peace!
-Jess
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A fine dramatic monologue
in the accepted Villanelle form.
Fine poetry is superior to well-applied formal discipline. You have married both.
My only criticism is the missing of a comma and a period.
The setting is late medieval or thereabouts. The tone is one of defiant scorn. Old age does rave for you here!
Refrain lines are subservient to the poetic purpose.
Fine work indeed. Lyndon of the Winklings.
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Is this already in the anthology under "Let There Be Light?"
I remember reading this excellent Villanelle. -
This is so lovely.
I've never written this form
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You are correct
I did really like it. You know, I know your writing pretty well, and still, this left me thinking that there is more meaning to the poem than just what is on the surface. There is a meaning there that I am contemplating ... Don't tell me, though, I'd prefer to see it there, and don't want to know if I'm wrong
Great work, my friend. But then, that's what I always expect when visiting your work. -
thats fantastic. i love the rhymes and form and repititon. good luck.
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Great end repetition in this piece. It was indeed a splendid read. I liked your theme here, and your color make one think of purgatory. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
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I would give it the platinum, but I see that is not an option, darn.
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capturing the gold is a hobby I see
This is perfect in rhyme and everything else as far as my humble eyes can see. Thank you for honoring me with an entry.
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I simply love this. It seems perfect to me. I love everything about it. Some day I am going to have a contest for those
who write this form with such beauty and you my friend will be invited -
I can definitely why this won a lot of golds!
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This is awesome, I really loved this...and I see why you received two gold for this spectacular piece.
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Perfect in form and meter, this is not just simply a filling in of a Villanelle template, but a rousing tribute to the indominatable spirit which refuses to simply turn its face to the wall and die.
It is as if the dying royal heard Dylan Thomas whisper in his ear to not go gentle into that good night and rose in triumpant response with this masterful Villanelle!
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Very nicely written
--Janette -
Well Done,
congrats on a well deserved win here. I always expect to see your light shining on my forays into rhyme.
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this was fantastic
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I should have known this was your entry. Congratulations. Great poetry.
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This poem is incredibly powerful and epitomizes what I feel a Villanelle should be. It is dark and brooding, possesses perfect synergy in its refrains, and reads without a glitch (although I personally would have counted "cardinals" as two syllables), and has a wonderfully pompous sneering quality that can only be admired. The King's voice is very strong and commanding; the harbinger of reality. And something about the way this is written makes him complex. We get the sense of his burden and melancholy and sympathize with him as a result. Very good Villanelle.
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The repetitions work well to show the strong spirit of the king, with plenty of fine imagery. I enjoyed reading, best of luck!
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Masterful Villanelle. Flows off the tongue so smoothly, with wonderful sound. Superbly written.
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Well deserving of ...
all the attention and the trophy too! You have shared some good philosophy that goes beyond the scope of the King and one that I could readily relate to as my years shorten and those I know pass on! No sad goodbyes ... love it, j
y
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I commented earlier on this - so no more applause, just added praise. It is a wonderful villanelle.
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This is very well done indeed!
What a pity you had to put the note - which is apt to make readers think about how clever the poet is to handle such a form, rather than about the beauty of the poem. It is the difference between watching an acrobat turn pirouettes (and one thinks - "Wow, how difficult") and a ballet-dancer doing similar pirouettes (and one thinks "Oh, how beautiful"). Since you are a sensitive poet, I feel sure that you only put the note there because someone running a competition specified that you must do so!!!
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Excellent write here
A very well deserved gold here so enjoyed the read
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Excellent writing in both form and content.
Very well done and thanks for your entry.
Raker -
My verse is so sing-song ... yours has dignity and the art of true poetry. The villanelle is a beautiful form for repetition and rhyme. You do it justice. Best wishes in the contest. We have a harsh task-master
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This poem, whatever form it is, was a bit confusing. May just be me who dosen't see the meaning in your words, may be my lack of language knowledge.
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Simply amazing write!
Thnx for entering & Best of Luck: F
GloriousGift
Heba -
Nice. For some reason I could not help but think of Denethor, though it really is the opposite of his character. The repetition really works well for the topic. Thanks for entering.
Nicely done.
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Well deserved gold. This is a classic.
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This certainly has a regal tone to it. You have caught the voice of this monarch in some unspecified historical time.
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Excellent--a powerful verse emerges through the form, with the required repetons and rhymes falling perfectly into places as the monologue develops.
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Amazing!!!!! need I say more
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Very nice ...
and very nicely done.
Thanks for entering. -
I have seen this featured a few times and never got around to coming here. Finally I did- by the back door to save you points I liked this villanelle. it held a regal air which was fitting for the tpoic choice. I have only ever written one of these- they are tough to do well, but you managed it nicely...peace
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Di, this is a PERFECT villanelle! Well done.
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wow! great form first of all! also, you've truely captured the kingly spirit in this--it's all so proud and strong sounding, great job!
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Superb
You have shown mastery of a form of poetry that takes great talent to write. An enjoyable achievement for the reader!
regards,
- phattkat -
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I enjoyed it. Thank you.
~Amy
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This is beautiful! It has a really nice flow, and it brought to light all sorts of images. It's a very touching piece, and sad, and leaves the reader with both a sense of loss and a sense of hope. Great job!
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A superb tribute to our own skipper and King. I find villanelles tough, not only do you have to get the rhyme and meter spot on, but you have to find two lines strong enough to bear repetition and flexible enough to use in different order and circumstances. This does that in spades, a really good poem, that is incidentally a Villanelle the form should never overshadow the poem for me!
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i really like this one especially the last stanza :
"So bring the wine, and toast me long and loud,
Make merry, there will be no sad goodbyes,
Too soon they bring the candles and the shroud,
I will not go, my spirit is unbowed."
great job this is really an awesome write. i definitely enjoyed your it and cannot wait to see some of your newer stuff, great job and keep it up! -
this is fantastic
your writting form was untouchable
and you did a great honor to your friend
this is an amazing piece
good luck in the contest
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Very good!
This is a beautiful villanelle, which is one of my favorite poetic forms. I like the ritualistic and medieval tone you set in it.
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Dear POET
Di, you have indeed paid me a great tribute with this villanelle. I take it to heart. Copy it and pin it on my wall (with "Di" on it) for I will always know it for the poet you are and the wisdom too. What beautiful lines saying so much in a very disciplined form. Under heaven, this is dear to my heart.
Beauty and compassion flow together in this great poem.
'Honored'is a weak word, but I am that and more.
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Excellent villanelle Di
Jim
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quite lovely
Full of spirit as the poet you talk about, and masterful as always, imagery that makes the poem live and speak ..i love this ..a tale of a warrior.
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this is very well written poetry. many powerful images and themes. well done, pen on poet.
creatress
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I love this... Please win the contest!!
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This is a beautifully realised villanelle. It approaches perfection in form, rhyme and sentiment. What a wonderous talent you have, poet.
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A well rounded replication of the original verse yet reconstructed in a flavor of this poetess personal profound abilities to share in her unique talents with wordsmithing composition.Very nice!
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Quite a write ...
and it would be hard to match this as a paen of praise for "the king". I do occasionally write villanelles, although I've not done so for some time. I do know what a job it can be, so I say kudos on a job well done.
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Hello Di, these days we pass like ships in the night. LOL. I think that this is the first villanelle that I have read of yours and of course this is my favourite form so full marks from me. I'm sure that Ron will love this as I do. Well done. Val
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