Too soon they bring the candles and the shroud;
These wailing women bore me with their cries,
I will not go, my spirit is unbowed.
The pall of incense hovers like a cloud,
I damn these cardinals, their pious guise,
Too soon they bring the candles and the shroud.
For I will live another score I've vowed
To see our banners rise in brighter skies.
I will not go, my spirit is unbowed.
I watch them all, this sad and motley crowd
Each one would take my crown to be his prize;
Too soon they bring the candles and the shroud.
My armour is of justice, I am proud
No cunning is connived behind these eyes
I will not go, my spirit is unbowed
So bring the wine, and toast me long and loud,
Make merry, there will be no sad goodbyes,
Too soon they bring the candles and the shroud,
I will not go, my spirit is unbowed.
Author notes
Dedicated to Lyndon with a hug, Di
A contest entry
- A contest for villanelles. by ecrivain01.
450 points, ended May 15, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Why Not? by GloriousGift.
300 points, ended August 20, 81 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Nice. For some reason I could not help but think of Denethor, though it really is the opposite of his character. The repetition really works well for the topic. Thanks for entering.
Nicely done.
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Well deserved gold. This is a classic.
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This certainly has a regal tone to it. You have caught the voice of this monarch in some unspecified historical time.
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Excellent--a powerful verse emerges through the form, with the required repetons and rhymes falling perfectly into places as the monologue develops.
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Amazing!!!!! need I say more
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Very nice ...
and very nicely done.
Thanks for entering. -
I have seen this featured a few times and never got around to coming here. Finally I did- by the back door to save you points
I liked this villanelle. it held a regal air which was fitting for the tpoic choice. I have only ever written one of these- they are tough to do well, but you managed it nicely...peace
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Di, this is a PERFECT villanelle! Well done.
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wow! great form first of all! also, you've truely captured the kingly spirit in this--it's all so proud and strong sounding, great job!
. Rewarded 4
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Superb
You have shown mastery of a form of poetry that takes great talent to write. An enjoyable achievement for the reader!
regards,
- phattkat -
. Rewarded 4
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I enjoyed it. Thank you.
~Amy
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This is beautiful! It has a really nice flow, and it brought to light all sorts of images. It's a very touching piece, and sad, and leaves the reader with both a sense of loss and a sense of hope. Great job!
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A superb tribute to our own skipper and King. I find villanelles tough, not only do you have to get the rhyme and meter spot on, but you have to find two lines strong enough to bear repetition and flexible enough to use in different order and circumstances. This does that in spades, a really good poem, that is incidentally a Villanelle the form should never overshadow the poem for me!
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i really like this one especially the last stanza :
"So bring the wine, and toast me long and loud,
Make merry, there will be no sad goodbyes,
Too soon they bring the candles and the shroud,
I will not go, my spirit is unbowed."
great job this is really an awesome write. i definitely enjoyed your it and cannot wait to see some of your newer stuff, great job and keep it up! -
this is fantastic
your writting form was untouchable
and you did a great honor to your friend
this is an amazing piece
good luck in the contest
. Rewarded 4
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Very good!
This is a beautiful villanelle, which is one of my favorite poetic forms. I like the ritualistic and medieval tone you set in it.
. Rewarded 4
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Dear POET
Di, you have indeed paid me a great tribute with this villanelle. I take it to heart. Copy it and pin it on my wall (with "Di" on it) for I will always know it for the poet you are and the wisdom too. What beautiful lines saying so much in a very disciplined form. Under heaven, this is dear to my heart.
Beauty and compassion flow together in this great poem.
'Honored'is a weak word, but I am that and more.
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Excellent villanelle Di
Jim
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quite lovely
Full of spirit as the poet you talk about, and masterful as always, imagery that makes the poem live and speak ..i love this ..a tale of a warrior.
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this is very well written poetry. many powerful images and themes. well done, pen on poet.
creatress
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I love this... Please win the contest!!
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This is a beautifully realised villanelle. It approaches perfection in form, rhyme and sentiment. What a wonderous talent you have, poet.
. Rewarded 4
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A well rounded replication of the original verse yet reconstructed in a flavor of this poetess personal profound abilities to share in her unique talents with wordsmithing composition.Very nice!
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Quite a write ...
and it would be hard to match this as a paen of praise for "the king". I do occasionally write villanelles, although I've not done so for some time. I do know what a job it can be, so I say kudos on a job well done.
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Hello Di, these days we pass like ships in the night. LOL. I think that this is the first villanelle that I have read of yours and of course this is my favourite form so full marks from me. I'm sure that Ron will love this as I do. Well done. Val
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