Extinguished are amber flames,
reducing them to molten ash.
Pain en~wraps the dying shades
of rainbows that slowly crumble,
trickling into the hostile abyss.
Caustic cyclones circulate,
jaded eyes bitterly vanish
in a violent haze of depression.
Drowning, despair pulls you down,
drenching all thoughts with ice,
freezing your very core.
Smiles wilt as they swiftly rot,
decaying into the bleak voids
that consume the soul.
Desperation bleeds into damnation,
overwhelmed with dire need
to replenish the fractured rift.
Time encroaches above
rusted chains now broken.
Probing eternity, endlessly,
looking for pre~existence,
lost in times past.
Yet compelled forward,
searching for hope.
Author notes
Hope this is ok...I really suck at free verse, mainly as I never write it...this being an exception of course
A contest entry
- Rounds CONTEST 2nd ROUND!!!!! by Luminescence.
700 points, ended May 2, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whatever You May Desire by InMyFlames.
600 points, ended July 9, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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You should write free verse more often. You don't suck, you shine.
Loved your write. Much deserving of the gold.
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This is stunning.....
I love the alliteration in the second stanza, it works really well.
The whole piece just pulled me right in, chewed me up, and spat me back out again! (in a good way!)
You certainly do not suck at free verse!
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a beautiful write... i love the lines
"lost in times past.
Yet compelled forward,
searching for hope." very inspirational -
omgosh!
this is simply stunning! a mindblowing poem with such great depth and the imagery... wow, just blew.me.away! i love the ending so much... it just wrapped this poem up perfectly! keep pennig kays, and congratz on the gold! totally deserved it!
AWESOME!
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liked the alliteration and the consonent sounds, and the last stanza as it implies a release from searching for a meaning or being imprisoned by some philosophy or culture which was stifling and destructive.
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Aparently. and obviously you don't suck at freewrite
Hence the Gold
I don't think it's possible for you to
write anything that isn't just poetic perfection
no matter the style or content!
This is awesome and more than worthy
of the shiney!
You Rock hunni!!
~Pastel
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omg pink this has so much depth..I would be suprised to see no gold trophy attached to this. Just sucj vivid descriptions, such attention holding deep writing Love it
Cin
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drowning dispare pulls you down, i like that i have some simmilar poems your poetry is awsome you should look at some of mine and mabe you can tell me what you think mabe give me some advice to be a better poet
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An excellent write that has produced a well deserved gold through the emotions that come forth from its lines well done all my best wishes Brian.
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Strange that I really didn't notice the free verse all that much but was caught by the emotion and flow of the poem. It seems it worked for you
Jim
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oooOOOooo... donna likes.... a lot... lol this is wonderful.. I know that many people don't like to write free-verse so it becomes difficult for them... thats why I love holding these types of contests.... where people are forced to create a masterpeice that is out of their realm of comfort.... wonderful. I really enjoyed your peice... nice and dark... and you know how Persuing likes her dark poems... lol
~PersuingHappyness .... aka luminescence -
This is wonderful free verse...lovely alliteration, flow and word choice...such depth and power in your words, none wasted...making it strong and well written...
Best to you!
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I must say this piece of poetry was nothing short of amazing. The wording, the flow, the power within each line. I all too often have felt these exact emotions in a deep depression in dire need for hope and happiness. This piece is beautiful, sad yet beautiful in the way you wrote it! Thank you very much for sharing this with us! Hugs~Nikki
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I think this is excellent, what fantastic words you've used, nice touches of alliteration too. Very well done indeed, and good luck to you,
Alex.
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remarkable use of metaphors! i am at a loss for words here because this describes so well many of the emotions and thoughts one has while in the grip of profound depression. i have been there a few times myself.
i like how you ended it with and inkling of salvation, because it is true; that with every rusty chain that is broken and every time that we journey into the past, we are forever moving forward - and hope is never lost. Although one feels that all hope is lost at times.
thank you for sharing this outstanding write. this is excellent free-verse, by the way!
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you "really suck at free verse"???? darling, that statement is way off the mark. this is good stuff.
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I LOSE..LOL
Talking about first time, you killed it....Free verse, rhyme, it doesn't matter...YOU'RE STILL THE QUEEN
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I like it, Right now I can really feel your words... I have had a really crapy day. I hope it wins the contest!
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YOu are a natural at free verse!
Lovely job, this poem grabbed us and pulled us into every
line! So much richness to enjoy in this poem!
I loved your final stanza's too...yet compelled forward,
searching for hope!
Brillant! you are very natural at this flow!
ears/Seattle BRAVO! BRAVO!
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Great Job on this free verse...I've tried it but I'm afraid I'm not very good.
Loved the ending
"Yet compelled forward,searching for hope"
Sometimes that's all we have in life is "hope" but as long as we keep looking forward with hope we can't go wrong!!
Good-luck in the contest
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"Desperation bleeds into damnation,
overwhelmed with dire need
to replenish the fractured rift"
I think you wrote free verse very well. Hope is sometimes all we have to turn us toward a better life. It is the tenacity of the human spirit to seek it out in the longing to breathe freely, in some corner of heaven within.
A dark write, but also compelling in the strength of the imagery. ~ K
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OOoo great write!!!wow this is a great one here...check mine out..
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WOW. Mommy this is a great poem that you have written. You don't suck at free verse not at all.. I am proud of you for trying something new, just keep writing it and then one day it will feel natural to you. now do you think you can teach me how to rhyme?? LOL
outstanding job
good luck in the contest
kat
s
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What a wonderful free write! I don't think I can write free write either. I love these lines and could so relate to them "Time encroaches above
rusted chains now broken.
Probing eternity, endlessly,
looking for pre~existence,
lost in times past.
Yet compelled forward,
searching for hope."
I live my life in the past and try so hard to move on but the Demons who have hurt me keep me tied there. I am sorry that you too have to endure this type of pain. I am here if you ever need to talk. Your poem touched me very deeply. Thanks for sharing. Theresa
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It's normal to think that you suck at soemthing that is outside of your familiarity zone, but I don't think this is bad at all! Your use of such emotive adjectives, and action verbs is stupendous. I LOVED "of rainbows that slowly crumble". You once again present us with a moving, almost unbearably painful write which the reader is relieved to see ends in hope.
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Wow, Love this!!!
This is a great write...
It flows well & has an abundence of well structured narrative, descriptive metaphor & emotional depth.
And you say you suck at free verse, you're too modest my dear...
Another fantastic & well penned write you have here...
Well done!!!
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