Why wasn't it you?
Why'd it have to be me?
To get hooked on that shit,
And then sold in the streets.
You should be glad
You don't know what it's like,
To feel you're not worthy
To put up a fight.
To feel all you're good for
Are blowjobs and sex.
To feel it's not worth it
'cause life is a mess.
To look for a father
inside of the eyes,
Of a much older man
Wouldn't mourn if you died.
To feel so unworthy,
Each breath that you take.
To wake up each day,
Thinking you're a mistake.
To look for solutions
Inside of a pipe.
To look for a way out
Inside of a knife.
To feel so unworthy
Of all that you eat,
That it all shows back up
Underneath toilet seats.
To look for a God
But to only find hell...
Why wasn't it you?
Only heaven can tell.
Author notes
just thinking.. not written to anyone in particular.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
awsome job!!
you wrote that amazingly well!!
-
Wow, this is really well written.
My favorite part is the ending:
"To feel so unworthy,
Each breath that you take.
To wake up each day,
Thinking you're a mistake.
To look for solutions
Inside of a pipe.
To look for a way out
Inside of a knife.
To feel so unworthy
Of all that you eat,
That it all shows back up
Underneath toilet seats.
To look for a God
But to only find hell...
Why wasn't it you?
Only heaven can tell."
Especially those last two lines.
I've been through a lot of that,
and it really hits home.
Your words are honest and raw,
but manage to evade becoming cheesy or cliche,
as ideas of self-destruction
such as eating disorders and suicide usually do.
There are a few parts that aren't necessarily
perfect though.
Like the phrase, "inside of a knife"
Obviously, it's phrased that way to fit
for syllables and rhyme, but the line itself
doesn't make perfect sense.
There isn't much constructive to say about that but,
just because I really have no idea to go about
"fixing" it, and since your idea is still conveyed,
I'm not really sure if it's even accurate to imply that it's broken.
Either way, great write.
[Perhaps you could return the favor?
I haven't used the site for a while,
and I've just recently added some stuff
that I'd like some feedback on.]
-
THAT IS STRONG
DAMN GURL THAT SHIT IS CRAZY
I KNOW WHERE YOUR COMING FROM
JUST STAY STRONG AND GET OUT OF THAT
LIFE LOOK OUT THERE IS OTHER THINGS YOU COULD DO -
-
i try to stay strong but thats my life im tryin to cahange it but its hard but im doing it little by little
-
-
yup sometime people can get really messed up. ive been there.
-
I really like your wording, and all the emotion behind it. I'd work on the flow, though-- you don't have to punctuate the end of every line. Read it out loud to yourself and make sure you pause at every comma, period, etc. Get rid of the punctuation if it sounds choppy in spots.
Good write!
.:Marie:.
-
Wouldn't mourn if you died.
To feel so unworthy,
Each breath that you take.
To wake up each day,
Thinking you're a mistake.
To look for solutions,
wow for this not to be writen to anyone its really good i like this part the most not sure why but it just sticks out to me great job keep it up
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
