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Old Shep

Mum will be worried and tonight will be a frost
The sun is going down quickly I know I am lost
Not at all sure if we are on the right track
Shep, you are smart you`ll find the way back
It really is my fault, you only have one bad habit
I shouldn`t let you chase that big old buck rabbit
Watching you run after it was ever so much fun
If dad was there he would have shot it with a gun
Time sure went fast Shep, what happened to the day
I`ve had a real good time, and we both like to play
Not at all scared, if we see a bear you will bark
But we better hurry home, can`t be out after dark
Silly me, I couldn`t remember which way that we went
But you are a smart dog, you will pick up the scent
Mum will be really worried, she`ll be a nervous wreck
Dad will console her, saying "He`ll be okay with Old Shep"
We will be safe, I can feel it in my heart
You are a brave dog Shep and very, very smart
Oh, Shep there it is, I can see our family home
Lets run all the way and I`ll get you a big bone
Mum, Dad and Sis are smiling and waving like mad
They are happy to see us, and I`m twice as glad
Now we are home, the day has come to an end
I love you Old Shep, you are my best friend

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Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • lesbian-in-love
    November 4

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    This was really good. It was very well written and really enjoyable to read. I liked it. Thanks so much for entering and best of luck to you in the contest. Keep up the good work!


  • ReachingForStars
    September 23
    Edit | Reply
    Such a sweet poem for a boy's best fried =] Thank you for entering!
    -K


  • forbidden-colour
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    Delightful, I am pleased you have trophies for this! Considering it is a type of poem not much appreciated these days as it has been done before but you did it even better.

    Thank you for entering.
    Sophie

    • goat1826
      September 23
      Edit | Reply
      That is one hell of a comment
      Thank You ever so much

  • piccola silver member
    March 8

    Edit | Reply
    happy for you that you have all those trophies! This is a nice poem that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Thank you for entering the contest


  • pinksnowboots
    March 3
    Edit | Reply
    Originality: (9/10)
    Emotion: (10/10)
    Poetic devices: (18/20)
    Structure/flow: (9/10)
    Cohension: (9/10)
    Title relating to poem: (10/10)
    Personal opinion: (9/10)
    Syntax: (10/10)
    Diction: (9/10)
    Total: (93/100)

    Aww this was great and so heartwarming! I was hooked immediately when I read it! Great job!


  • YesterdaysDreams
    February 17
    Edit | Reply
    I love the rhyme scheme here. Great write and good luck in the contest! Atouching poem here.


  • abuyi
    January 30

    Edit | Reply
    this is a great write.. i loved the sincerity and severity and your choice of words. brings out more informal effect which makes it personal. thanks for entering and best of luck

    • goat1826
      January 30
      Edit | Reply
      Wasn`t sure what you wanted
      Glad you liked it
      I enjoyed writing this one


  • Girl-Interrupted gold member
    January 19

    Edit | Reply

    amazing! well worthy of the coveted gold trophy!!! you have a gift for pedestrian poetry..and rhyme...

    lovess
    becca *hug*

  • Going Forever
    January 17
    Edit | Reply
    WOW!! this is a great poem!!


  • Barry Hodges silver member
    August 9, 2008
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    I remember the song by Hank Snow (with also a hideous cover job by Elvis Presley). I laughed when the singer explained how he blew the dog's head off, stupid ugly mutt. Where do you live? Perhaps a tragedy occured to my travelling companions there - please give me some information and I can dedicate my next poem to you.


  • SignifyingNothing
    August 4, 2008

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    I think this is beautiful, innocent, and sweet, from the perspective of a child who loves his dog. It reminded me of how I felt about my dog growing up (though old Silver would probably have run around all night playing and not wanted to go home til we were both exhausted :-) This was a really sweet write.

    BTW, don't worry about davidbetzer, I've seen his commnents on a number of poems now, and they are all insults even to poems that won multiple golds and had like 50 applause. He is just s jerk.

    Great job. I love this, and thanks for entering.

  • davidbetzer
    July 19, 2008

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    Didn't you write another poem 'bout a man named jed--that poor millionaire barely kept his family fed? Stick to jar blowing in the yocal band, poetry isn't your thing.


  • echo-ink
    July 14, 2008
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    I loved this, written in the perspective of a young boy. just wonderful. good luck in the contest.


  • Connor Blackbird
    June 12, 2008

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    I liked the story you told. Sounds like a trusty dog. You are a good storyteller with a good sense of tone. The reason I can't rate this higher was only that there were some errors in syntax/grammar that, while nitpicks, were just distracting. A lot of times the rhyme scheme seemed to box you in a little bit - you had an unusual meter that made for a sing-songy-but-not-annoying rhythm and while that is a very good thing it is also a restriction that sometimes seemed to keep you from being as clear as you could have. Line three especially confused me greatly - is he lost or is he on the right track? L. 6-7 were good except that line 6 is in present tense and line 7 is in past tense. That sort of stuff is either confusing (if the reader tries to make sense of it) or distracting (if the reader simply realizes the contradiction and keeps reading). And a few lines - l.11 and 23, for instance - simply had too many syllables.

    On the whole this was a very nice poem that could be excellent with some editing. I hope you go back and try a few things with it because this has a lot of potential.


  • peridotPixi
    March 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    cute

    this poem is really touching and it says a lot, i like the description you use and how you tell shep its your fault, i also like how you tell him that he will find the way home because he is very, very smart, thank you for entering my contest and good luck, keep writing, -Amy

1 - 20 of 20