Time goes by
Tick after Tick after Tick.
A second wasted, then two, then three
Tick, Tick, Tick.
Have you ever really pondered
Or gave life a real thought?
Nothing lasts forever
Your life cannot be bought.
The date and time have been decided
But that remains unknown.
Don't be afriad to aim for the sky
Close your eyes, nothing prolong.
I hear the door slowly opening
Creek after Creek after Creek.
Death slowly approaches
Creek, Creek, Creek.
Nothing lasts forever
Everything lives to see decay.
So don't overlook anything
For today could be your day.
Don't live your life in the shadows
For you may never see a star's light.
Don't ever back down
If it doesn't feel right, just hold on tight.
I hear your heartbeat
Thump after Thump after Thump.
And the next second silence, it stops
..., ..., ..., .
Emotions overwhelm you
So many thoughts rusched to your head.
All you can seem to think about
Were words left unsaid.
You didn't see death coming
It took you by surprise.
But life keeps on going
For tomorrow the sun will rise.
I hear the funeral bells.
Bell after Bell after Bell.
A life not lived to the fullest
Bells, Bells, Bells.
Tears are shed
But the moon doesn't fall.
Time stops for no one
For no one at all.
They say that when you die
Your life flashes before your eyes.
Is it going to be worth watching
That you must decide.
Time goes by
Tick after Tick after Tick.
A second wasted, then two, then three
Tick, Tick, Tick...
Author notes
I really want an honest opinion about this poem. This is probably the longest time that it's taken me to write a single poem. I do really think this has some potential and please feel free to be honest and point things out. Also this poem was sort of inspired by the poem Bells by Edgar Allen Poe.
Ale E
A contest entry
- all the prewrites you want by serenity silvermoon.
600 points, ended March 29, 2008, 150 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Quite a thought provoking effort.
I'm sure we all regret time wasted in our short lives and often think what we could have done to leave our legacy on this planet.
I enjoyed it.
'afriad' needs an edit by the way
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This has alot of differnet emotion going on. It has A really nice flow. I like the way you used your words to tell us a story of life. and I take from this to live life to the fulless. for totday i am here and tommorrow i will be one. Awesome writing my friend. Hope to see more soon. Thanks for the read and keep on writing........................ It has alot of potential, it could be the start of something really big!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Woah, this blew my freakin mind! You got some serious skills, girl. I absolutely love it! The sound repetitions were amazing and the mood just pulled me in. It was easy to follow, flowed, and ended with a wicked spine-tingling chill! I don't dig on your title, I think it's a rather weak one for this strong of a poem, but nonetheless, excelent overall.
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Wow, this is great! I loved the rythym in it, and I liked how you repeated some things. It was also really interesting how in line 28 you just had periods and commas to show the silence; this made it unique. Your first and last lines both worked well with the poem, starting it off and ending it up but still leaving you wondering at the end. Nice job!
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This was FANTASTIC! I loved it! Your rhythm, style and story pulled me in and then I read it again! Your time put into this work was worth it, and it surely shows in the quality.
Excellent.
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This was a great write, but I wouldn't say it was moddeled after bells as much as inspired by. Bells does symbolicly state alot of what you said here, but in bells there is a fluctuation of tone and speed from light and fast to slow and dark. your repitition is a good sign. Well as I said I liked it and I sound kinda critical so I'll just shut up.. wait actualy Ill jsut say I'm pleased you chose bells, because alot of poe fans only realy care about the raven, house of usher, and a few other popular works.. my personal faveorite is anabell lee
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I think it's always interesting when a poem inspires one to write another poem. I thought this was unique, but there was more TELLING the reader, rather than SHOWING, which was basically the only problem. I really like the title though, and how you ended it. I think the last stanza ends the poem on an intrigued, thoughtful note. Keep on writing . . .
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Well, I thought all your hard work showed, and the effort put into this piece was well worth it. I enjoyed this. Thanks
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I can defintely tell you put quite a bit of time into this. I really enjoyed it. You integrated cliches and repetitions in this poem but it still made it original and profound. Thanks for sharing!
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