and the moon rose after quite a wait
on behalf of citizens (hurried and silent and chilly)
unforgiving lights dancing off the silver
forgotten in the rainy pavement stones broken up
water dirty and seeping in with specks of moonshine quivering
in the damp sewers with heels clicking by rapidly
the stoplights piercing their travail
unerring
bright red
world fading in empty stores glass cracked
HALF OFF COME TODAY rotting at the edges and newspaper
clutching the windows tiredly like socks with gaping holes
while nobody paid attention feverishly going HOME
facades a glimmer with that troublesome moon and awning shadows
street empties quietly but every so often the jarring shriek
of breaks muted horn by the side streets signs pointing to Far Away
don't
go there
haphazardly tall structures of mismatched columns
unstately in the oncenesss of their former glory
but strange, alien in fact beautiful like a haunted house
carved wainscotting beneath broken windows (faded now)
radiators visible grey crooked monsters dripping mould onto the brick
and shuffled curtains trying not to be noticed white and yellow
in the shyest apartment peepholes let's pretend not to see our
city
of strangers
tangled and twisted fire escapes of dusty bars and slats
your wrought-iron jungle gym climbing messily up the worn brick
and poking the windows with dirty rusted railings and skinny steps
cold smoker stands alone letting embers cool on the tiny blacony
up high on the sixth floor faded cracked blinds and floor to ceiling
behind him or her unwelcoming the one who dwells at night
in the glow of the inconspicuous(ly late) circle
sad
is the moon
A contest entry
- Poems of a City by NurseChilly.
1800 points, ended April 11, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I found this a bit wordy in parts as there is as far as I can see, only 1 comma?? - I'm not brilliant at punctuation myself, so my criticism is limited but I will say, that this piece deserves some punctuation and some smaller line breaks to give it some punch.
Some editing and paring down will make this a stunner, but many thanks for entering it into my contest and thanks again.
well done
G.x
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This is incredible. Great imagery, great flow. The best I've read on this site in a while.
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you do not even use punctuation so how can you speak to me on it?
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This evokes in me feelings of my childhood as to what Detroit or New york City would be like: places dark and forbiding; jungles in the nighttime,unforgiving battlefields in the daytime. You awoke a forgotten amber in me,"Black-moon".
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This blew me away.
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