I'm spinning around in the rain,
Free finally of my binds- blind to the disdain
And the salty premonitions come nowhere near my wounds,
I am free and on the moon.
That's like I think in my head, spinning backwards, where I flow so easy in and out,
Weaving like the dream I wish I was.
Instead here I am, in my devil decor
With my head on backwards
And my hands on the floor,
I blink my slight eyes
And study the ceiling
My heart leaps in cries
To comprehend this sick feeling,
I don't know how to work the thoughts inside my head-
So you can hear what it isn't I cannot manage
Because the ink on the palm of my hands, was so much more easy when read
By the fictional eyes of a rollercoaster
That I can reach that much closer
But when you touch on fabric of imaginary
The solar deities seem so much less planetary-
I go out to see the moon
And to it I croon,
I have the power,
In your glow
To change.
And so in the natural noises,
I brushed away the dirt to place the falic
Nasty
Infected
Humility
Razor blade underneath the dirt.
I flatten and face the lover, the mother, the everything that makes the pain diminish.
And then it talks to me
When the wind chimes play
And I realize I'm finally waking up,
Author notes
I wrote a short story about a girl, who was not me but did of course have attatchments to me. She also self injured and was suicidal. The only time she was at peace was when she heard the wind chimes, she heard them twice in the story. Once, aching, and then the second right before she died which in the stories flow was when she finally woke up, and this is how I choose to see it now. My rebirth. My change. The wind chimes were the sign I can do this. No, don't expect me to go soft fluffy and darling on you, I will always be the soul I am, the pain, passion and darkness, but now instead of the bading of blade I will bade of words. The moon is strong, and so am I. I have support from one person, two, that falls the perfect way and this act is great to them, and I'm lucky to have them to help me through this. I still don't have the person I can call at one in the morning, and as no religion there is no one to talk to, but I will write when the craving comes and do anything else possible. Change is in the air, it's the perfect Halloween on Easter.
Comments
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Beautiful
I love this. I'm so proud of you, for being so strong and brave. I adore you, and I'll be here to help you every step of the way!
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