Ceaselessness
The Somber river brings,
Bank wreathed in flames,
Burning in wretched immolation
Serpentine
Its path rages,
Over scorched earth,
In cold bleached rapture
Agony
The screams of night howl,
In candles blazing brightly,
Lit by scornful apparitions,
Drenched in black terror
Redemption
Held high over heads of Nightmare.
Harrowing is thy need tonight,
Spirits cast heavy shadows,
On pale faced adornment
Horror
Spawned from the defilement,
And consumed in the asperity,
To be belched from the mouths,
Of black winged fiends
Delusion
Invoked by wraiths,
And born again,
In the eyes of the holy specter.
And murdered in the dreams,
Of his majesty
Author notes
i was feeling spooky
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Oh. This is a scary kind of poem that you have going on here. Know what it makes me think of? Like those scary movies they like to have at the threaters for friday night crowds or the stories they like to tell on Halloween to spook the kids! lol I thought you did a good job of expressing yourself and you should feature this around halloween.
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It is awsome. I love it. It is very creeping and haunting and the title says it all. I might get nightmares just from reading it. Keep them coming.
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My only concern with this poem is the misplaced "thy". If a poem starts without pronouns or a conversation based narration (which is directed at the reader), it will lose its impact if a pronoun or direct address to the reader is made in the middle or middle-end of the poem. Like the master poets have shown, it is better to have a word like "You" or "thy" at the end of the poem or very near the end of the poem if there was no references to pronouns earlier.
Otherwise...good job...
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Great
Wonderful imagery and vivid vocabulary, I hate poets who use words that they don't truly understand. That was certienly not the case here, at least it diddn't seem that way. I especially loved "spirts cast heavy shadows on pale faced adornment" and "to be belched from the mouths of black winged fiends" Definately a groovy poem.
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I think a case of too much imagery, well written, but mostly a list of connotations pointing to, as you said...spooky. Not alot to tie the reader or narrarator to it.
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this has a very dark flow to it and i love that. i was wondering what inspired u to write this? was it the mood u were in? i know u stated that u were feeling spooky but is that the only insoiration for this dark write? i loved the gothic touch it screamed. i enjoy reading dark and spooky things. i can relate to them.
great job. do u have more poems with this same dark gothic feel?
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oh yes i do, "gods of disease" "tombstone" "squirm" pretty much everything i write is very dark, and no i wasn't really inspired by anything in particular - just felt like being....spooky
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Oh come on.. You where inspired by the musicless atmosphere that surrounded you.
Give me a break, "I wasn't really inspired by anything" ... that... just a lie
hehe
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I would call this "Nocturnally Dark" interesting write indeed,, I am by no means an authority on dark writes but this one seems to have all of the makings of a good one,.
I like the headings for each subject, it helped with the descriptions and kind of lighted the way (Bad Pun).
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Gothic
Blackwinged fiends, flames and bleached rapture. Spooky in stark uncolor, plus fire. Not for bed time reading, but Good!
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Good poem. Very descriptive put a image in my mind during the entire reading. Your words where very smooth.
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Sorry - I didn't see spooky. But I did see a well written and conceived poem. I like the form you chose and the words played well to highlight the keys you were focused on. From a purely structual point, I thought redemption should come last since that concept would seem to be the release from nightmare. Just a thought... Well done and very enjoyable!
Ken
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