Everything about her was sharp:
her nose a thin knife
between her quick eyes,
her nails long and pointed,
her walk the staccato of stilettos
like the track of well-oiled pinking shears
and knees without enough tendon.
I felt like I knew her
but shouldn’t, especially
when she asked the cashier
in clipped and manicured tones
for an extra shot of expresso
and a pump of amaretto.
She needs dollops of
wooly whipped cream,
I thought to myself, and
sponge cake with strawberries.
The buttons on her cashmere cardigan
winked whitely, like
miniature cupped scapulas
shouldering their way down her
sharp form. She gave the cashier
crisp bills and coins
that glinted like knives,
and I decided I could live without
a chai and her money.
Author notes
Not my usual style, but I've been reading more contemporary American poetry lately, and it has me experimenting...
A contest entry
- skin & bones by Randomly Beautiful.
300 points, ended March 23, 2008, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Speak your mind.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I absolutely love the first stanza. Beautiful descriptions/metaphors.
The only thing I would change is the use of knives in both the first and third stanzas. In a poem this short, it sticks out, and I'm not sure her nose is intended to be connected to her money.
I like the end, though I'm not sure what the speaker's relation is to this woman-- I mean, why would the speaker buying a chai mean he/she is being related to the woman's money? Perhaps you could elaborate a bit on this?
Great write, though. Fantastic use of metaphor. Keep writing,
Rile -
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I was just noticing the other day that I used knives twice in this poem...that's going to have to change.
Thanks for your thoughts - glad you liked it! 
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i enjoyed the progression of your poem. it opens in the mind of the narrator, and concludes with an every day decision. the knife/shears theme enhances the sharp imagery you use to describe the woman.
the closing lines transition back to reality very well. good stuff!
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This is brilliant, both in meaning and imagery. Congratulations on your well deserved gold. Many blessings, Lavender Butterfly... x
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You are such a brilliant writer. I love each and every piece I ever read by you. There has not been one in the time I've read you that I didn't fall in love with. This is no exception.
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Thank you so very much! You're always so encouraging, and I really appreciate that!
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A sharp observation, right there in the middle of showing, not telling. Knees without enough tendon is a great phrase. The image of shoulderblades was very pointed. Your poem sounds as stacatto as her stilettos. Personally, I would have asked for my chai with honey, and ignored her. Very good description.
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