What a beautiful disease;
Eaten-through fingers
Fish for substance in bowls
and hollow-men's hands.
Be quiet,
be quiet.
The slits of frost beg you for
Your shells,
Leave your shells,
Forget your shells.
--
Deserving nothing but the
Quiet-white
Of and empty mouth-
Forget the wind.
Forget the sound of grass,
and taste of day
and the willpower it took
To comprehend the noise
and turn it into
Sound.
Wrap your arms around their
pear shaped lives,
Fog blurred the words
And made them into slate.
Made the mouth eat the slate,
Understand why the slate
Had no taste,
and the mouth,
No lips.
Just dangling gardens
and dreams.
--
And the mouth became the sun,
And the cells,
and the cancer,
Fed from the sun,
and they were cleansed.
Cleansed of the hunger,
of the need for
Hearts,
and other such disgusting
Human things.
Author notes
1. Name [Real & User]: Danielle; flatline.
2. Age: Seventeen.
3. Amount of Poetic Experience: Four years.
4. Typical/Strongest Style: Abstract wordplay
5. Unusual/Weakest Style: Form.
6. Favorite Type of Inspiration: People
7. Amount of Multiround Experience: little-to-none
8. Some Accomplishments: not applicable.
9. One Fact I Don’t Know About You: I really hate the color violet.
10. Additional Comments You’d Like Me To Read: No.
A contest entry
- project poetry season one [prewrite & fresh auditions] by blackday.
600 points, ended March 27, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Great write! I really felt the intensity and meaning behind this poem. This is a very serious disease and you really brought it to light here. Thanks for sharing.
Lauren
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Thank you for sharing, best of luck in your contest.
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i aCtUaLLy GoT dA mEaNiN!!!nIcE pOeM!!!
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Is there a reason you type like that?
Because I would really like to know.
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Well I am not sure that I got the total meaning behind here but my take was skin cancer and the overall effects it can have. We love to worship her in all her bright warmth but there is a deadly price to pay that is for sure....Does the benefits out weigh the cost? It is completely a personal choice. Very well written and I thank you for sharing this....
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Man, I got cotton mouth just reading this poem
You did an excelent job on this. I felt like I was in it, feeling it all. Wow
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Haha. Thanks.
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Deep write, such a deadly disease. Quite abstract and so many different things one can take away after reading it - can mean different things to different people.
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Wow, this is one journey of a poem. In a way, now I've read it, it has become my poem, with my meaning. I had cells affected by the sun whose radiation changed my DNA and gave me skin cancer, melanoma. I'm also due for an operation next week, (unconnected), so how is that for a route into your words.
It is your poem of course, and a very intruiging one too, but it has delivered something all of itself to me, a cross between a horoscope reading and a back catalogue reference to cells and sun.
I can only marvel at how powerful the poem is for me personally, and also recognise what incredible imagination you have in constructing it.
Powerful, to me anyway.
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Thank you for your words.
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wow this is such a deep and abstract poem but it speaks on so many levels that really caught my attention. i love this well done
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it is really abstract and very beautiful.
nice pen -
I enjoyed reading this, especially the lines:
"Eaten-through fingers
Fish for substance in bowls
and hollow-men's hands."
Best of luck in the contest.
- Jojo x sinnocence -
Loved your play on words, Very abract writing but still very good. Thanks for sharing.
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Very abstract but holding such deep meaning! This was excellently done... touches a part of me... thank you for sharing this!
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thank you for your comment
(L)
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You wrote poem.
Awesome word play.
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This is a tough one. I'm a bit brain dead to be honest, but I believe I got the message. I loved your transformation from the middle to the end. It was SO fucking smooth. It read quicker, which from my understanding of the poem, was uber smart to show how quickly that disarmament fucks your heart over.
I'm sorry I don't have more to say. Give me a night to sleep on some more comments.
It is kick ass though, so here's your link into the group honey. <3
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/project%20poetry
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