No black nor white
or stormy gray.
No sunshine rainbows
upon the sky.
Shades of shadow
play about:
keeping the light at bay.
No dark or light
only in-between.
Colors are nonexistent,
warmth and cold are gone;
in the realm of nothing
that plays with shades of shadow.
These whispered echoes
upon hallowed walls.
Silenced screams
of old time passed.
A melody to
harmonizing howls,
that float quietly
across the breeze.
In this land of shadows.
The charcoal colors of the sky.
The bleakness of no sun.
Shrill, screeching recollections
from the past so dark and cold.
I'd rather take the nothingness
of this realm of shadows.
Shadows here upon the "light"
and shadows sing through the "dark."
And yet... Shadows are as shadows do
and they exist no where
for light and dark are gone.
Shadows are not real,
but yet they are all there is.
Shadows for nothing
and shadows for everything.
Shadows...
the obscurity of it all.
Author notes
Hehe... Well I wrote this and I liked it. So I figured I would enter it here. Hope you enjoyed it. ^.^
11:48PM March 22nd, 2008~ I swear to the higher power... if one more person tells me to change the wording or that I over-used shadows... I will scream!!! I am aware! I wrote this on like no sleep!!! Give me a break! Rather than telling me to change it... tell me what to change it to! Okay? Okay. Thank you. Rant over.
A contest entry
- Promote Your Best, And Get comments while you're at it by RyanosaurusWrecks.
7015 points, ended April 23, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comment honestly please. But don't be rude. CONSTRUCTIVE CRISTISM is welcome. But don't bash me; I work hard.
Comments
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I really enjoyed reading this poem, loved the flow of it. The choice of words is brilliant!
Well done
Nela
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Congrats on your honorable mention. Very well deserved. My favorite part was about the shadows seeming real but not really real.
Kari -
i love the repetition, it all flowed nicely. i especially liked the "shades of shadow" line, it sounded really good. nice job :]
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110 comments? wow how'd you do dat? I mean 110?? WOW! Well that makes me number........ 111? Wow I feel special!! Oh I should comment shouldn't I? Let me start by saying that this was the bestest poem I have seen today. And I read most of the entries in my contest today so that does say a lot. I mean it's so powerful and like so awesome I can't put words to it! yay congrads on the HM but still i think it deserves gold. Really!! wow long comment. I'm gonna stop right there! Well great poem!!!!
<3~Ruth~<3 -
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Yep. Thanks. Well, that was the point of the contest. The most comments won. 
So, I did pretty well really. 
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Well, I'm sure there's nothing I can add new to the many, many comments you have received on this.....
so, I'll just say I like it.
I especially like the lines,
'Shrill, screeching recollections
from the past so dark and cold.
I'd rather take the nothingness
of this realm of shadows'
Nicely done! congrats on the HM
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This one seems sad to me just now. your notes how ever are funny=)
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Really. Why? Hehe. Thanks. Glad you think so.
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I love the shadowy tree background. I take away something very deep from this work. The thought that the ability to see in color, comes with the price of being blind in the dark...
How hard it is sometimes to see the truth...
Think about removing the punctuation where possible, I think it distracts a bit. -
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Thank you. I like it too. Thanks.
Hmmm... I thought about that. But the punctuation showed just where I wanted pauses and how long. I'll look into it though.
Thanks.
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Nothing can be known in Limbo. Neat poem!
I would delete the line, 'Shadows are as shadows do' unless you know exactly what you're trying to say by that. -
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Thank you.
Actually, I do know exactly what I was trying to day by that. Oddly enough. -
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Cool! Then I can reread it and work it out.
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No black nor white
or stormy gray.
No sunshine rainbows
upon the sky.
Shades of shadow
play about:
keeping the light at bay.
These whispered echoes
upon hallowed walls.
Silenced screams
of old time passed.
A melody to
harmonizing howls,
that float quietly
across the breeze.
In this land of shadows.
A very enjoyable poem thank you for sharing with the group
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Thank you.
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all the shadows gave this poem a boost. i don't think there are too many. good job this is awesomeful!!!!!!!!!
Your totally amazed twin/understudy
friend etc.
Nakatréa
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Thanks.
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Wow....this was AWESOME!!! I love this...just...wow. It's left me speechless!!! You did an amazing job here!!!
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Thanks.
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Hey love;; We're doing a poetry portfolio thing in english class,and i was wondering if i could put this? I'll give you full credit =] Message back! I loved this so much
Amazing job ♥ ,
Cyanide dreams
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Hi. Sure no prob. I'm cool with that. Glad you liked it. Thanks a million times over.
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I love it, glad I answered you plea for reads, hehe I was tired and wanted to get off but thought to comment on a few poems first, glad to have started with yours. I't very true what you said, shadows are in a realm of their own, thanks for writing,
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Thanks.
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"These whispered echoes
upon hallowed walls.
Silenced screams
of old time passed.
A melody to
harmonizing howls,
that float quietly
across the breeze.
In this land of shadows"
A brilliant write!
I loved it,
what more can i say??
Nothing's wrong with it...
~Annie
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Thank you.
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Very excellent write
Although it sounds like a lot of my own work , to the extent i almost feel like I'm tooting my own horn to say so, Keep writing, and smile your way up out of those shadows
Best of luck
DW
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Thanks.
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Wow, I'm suprised I didn't see this earlier. Quite an effective poem, though I don't think "shadows" are overused here. To me, it provides more emphasis. As far as impact, the "shrill, screeching recollections from the past" got me creating negative versions of my own past. Quite interesting, if you ask me. Good job with this write; good luck gaining more comments for a work certainly worthy of them!
--Flare
o|--|=======>
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As am I. I am suprised I didn't see this comment sooner. (Scatter-brained I suppose...) Hehe
Thank you. I do suppose those lines said a lot. I sometimes don't realize what I am writing until someone tells me.
Thanks again.
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I'm gonna steal ur word for this ok? AWESOMENESS! i like
"in the realm of nothing
that plays with shades of shadow" and then
"Shadows for nothing
and shadows for everything.
Shadows...
the obscurity of it all."
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Thanks.
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awesome
i rrly like this.
i think it is rlly great.
good job
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Thank you.
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this is .....
really good i like how you used shadows so much i think it helps the whole poem fit together
good job
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Thanks.
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How about changing nothing, it is your write, if someone else would write it differently, then they would have written it themselves.
I like it the way it is, it paints a drab, but original picture, kinda: shadowy hehe.
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That's what I'm going with. Hehe. Thank you.
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Wow! another awsome poem! I love it. It is awsome...
~sakura~
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Thank you. ^.^
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I really felt the the shadows in this verse. I can tell you worked very hard writing this brilliant piece. I wouldn't change a word! Sometimes writing without sleep, produces the best poems. This reminds me of something Sylvia Plath might have written. Best wishes!
Shana
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Thanks.
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Beautiful piece. The beginning before you established the specific scene to the scene to the end. It was captivating. The only thing that I didn't understand was why there were those words in the quotes in the second to last stanza. For little sleep, this is a good piece. The last line is especially powerful. Keep up the great typing!
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They were in quotes because I had said earlier light and dark didn't exist. I was just using the words as the closest thing to them. More sarcastic than anything. Thank you for the comment. ^.^
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That was very beautiful. It had a great sound and every line flowed together. The images are all powerful and make the poem very strong. Great write and best of luck. -R.T
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Thank you.
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I liked this poem. It gives you a gray feeling. The twilight zone maybe. nice...
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Thank you.
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..... beautiful...
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Thanks.
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awesome i love the consepts in it!
well done -
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Thank you.
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hehe love the rant....personally...i dont care that you used shadows repeatedly...i think it kept my mind on track of what i was reading lol. it had a rather stark bleak feel to it which i just loved (i'm rather dark and love poems with a dark feel to them). tell those people who hassle you bout silly things to go play in traffic hehe if you like it...thats all that matters and gosh i like it and so do quite a few others by the look of it...any way im just rambling on
loved it, good job hun.
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Thanks.
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I personally, despite your rant, enjoyed how many times you used the word shadow. It gave it that repedition thing that is needed for flavor, but despite how much it is used, does not drown out the original taste.
Excellent!
Great job! And good luck in the contest! -
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Thank you.
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Glad to see you enter in this contest. Looks like there are 80 more entries to go before this contest is closed, so we could be getting lots more comments on each of our entries so far. No need to repeat what was already said many times, so won't. Liked the brevity of the lines, the flow and the presentation on this page.
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Thank you for not repeating what's been said. And that you for the comment.
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this is great. the alleged 'overuse' of shadows is ridiculous. it is fine the way it is... and needs no improvement. it's great, love. don't change a damn thing.
xx amy michelle
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Thank you.
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I could say you over used shadows . . .
but I won't. One concrete comment, I enjoyed the "shades of shadow" you had in the first two stanzas but then you stopped using it, replacing it with "land of" and "realm of". I would try to reword a few things so that I could use "shades of shadow" in all stanzas except the last one. I also liked that you moved the "shades of shadow" around and that would be very nice but not a requirement. It feels like you got tired in the next to last stanza in that neverending search for a transition to the ending. It doesn't contain the same sense of imagery as the previous ones. Very good job. I enjoyed reading this very much. Thank you, for sharing it and good luck in the contest. ~ Timothy
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Thank you for not saying I over-used shadows. Oh yes... I did write this in bits and pieces. It's a combination of three things I wrote separately. I found they worked together. Thanks again. I am working on the revision.
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love the third stanza
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Thanks.
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And yet... Shadows are as shadows do
and they exist no where
for light and dark are gone.
You're amazing hun =]
i love this
and you'll do very well
I'll bookmark this cuz thats how much a like it!
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Thank you.
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I thought this was the best part:
These whispered echoes
upon hallowed walls.
Silenced screams
of old time passed.
A melody to
harmonizing howls,
that float quietly
across the breeze.
It was scary, like a haunted house. -
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Thank you.
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this is really good
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Thank you.
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Brilliant
Well, I read the poem more than once coz I was charmed by it, I don't see that you over-used anyword, on the contrary You made the Repetiton helps you to assert your point & it was emaphasized very well...
My favourite part is this one:
These whispered echoes
upon hallowed walls.
Silenced screams
of old time passed.
A melody to
harmonizing howls,
that float quietly
across the breeze.
In this land of shadows.
It's very amazing, you gathered along so many images that really echoes on the mind of shadows...
& If you want a reason why I say this all, Then you gotta read the poem called "Ash Wednesday" by T.S.Eliot, See how it began & how he used repetition & how it will affect you...
Excellent Write
Thnx alot for sharing & Best of luck with the contest
GloriousGift
Heba
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Thank you. You are the first person to agree with me on the repetition point.
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You're Welcome... Actually I like repetition too
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I like your use of shadows and shades...that definitely tickled my fancy.
I have only two suggestions of change and humble examples of what you might change them to...
In line 10 I would change "nonexistent" because it just doesn't fit that whispery, dark, natural feel of the rest of the poem. You might be able to change it to something like...
Colors have fled
Colors are dead
Colors afraid to whisper
Colors slip away
Colors burn to ash
Colors burned to ash
My only other suggestion is that you change ending of the poem from abstract to something concrete. instead of making a commentary on obscurity and "telling" us what this is all about show it in a natural action, something physically concrete that the reader can latch on to and understand emotionally even if not intellectually.
Perhaps you might try...
1.
A bitter taste
to the leaves of the Fall
2.
Falling leaves clawing
Bitter pleas into the dirt
3.
Haunting eyes devise a darker plea
4.
Ghostly footsteps upon the world
Let me know if there's anything else you need!
Blessings,
C
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Maybe. I don't know what I am changing yet. I might leave it. I am thinking on it. Thank you though. ^.^
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I could so see this as a song. Doesn't have a chorus I could see but hey, great songs don't necessarily need a chorus!
you did beautifuly on it, Night-Owl! You used raw and inspiring imagery on it. And when I saw the title, I thought of my band, In the Shadows. XD
Shadows can be everywhere...even born in the hearts of mankind. Even the "best" person could have a large shadow within their hearts. And how you tied shadow, and the colors they cast, with the sky and all was down-right fantastic. My favorite part was:
"Colors are nonexistent,
warmth and cold are gone;
in the realm of nothing
that plays with shades of shadow"
Thank you, amazing writer, for giving me the oppurtunity to be able to read this.
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Thank you!
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I LOVED it! That was so good and had real meaning.
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Thank you. ^.^
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I like the poem, and the structure, I like the flow, it was very good, the beginning caught my attention, my favorite part was he charcoal colors of the sky.
The bleakness of no sun.
Shrill, screeching recollections
from the past so dark and cold.
I'd rather take the nothingness
of this realm of shadows.
Great content ,good usage of words
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Thank you.
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Very Nice I likes... Good luck Getting lots of comments in the contest Dear If you got the points I'd feature it.
seems to work for me.
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Thank you. I've definiately got the points. Now I just need to figure out how to feature it. Shouldn't be too complicated though. Thanks again. ^.^
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i like it! some parts sounded a little generic to me, but hey, i could just be missing the deeper meaning.
No dark or light
only in-between.
Colors are nonexistent,
warmth and cold are gone;
in the realm of nothing
that plays with shades of shadow.
i thought that was a really good stanza, but the whole thing has a lovely dark (shadowy?) atmosphere and well-chosen words. well done!
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Thank you. ^.^
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i really liked the content of this poem but in a couple of areas i thought the words just jarred a bit, or that the rhythm was just slightly off.
Shades of shadow
play about:
keeping the light at bay.
like that bit, or it could just be how im reading in.
best of luck in the contest
liloven
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Thank you. ^.^
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Shadows was used alot in this poem, but I do not think it was excessive at all. I think it adds to the poem rather than becoming a distraction... the messages and everyting you discribe comes full circle within your poem. I also think you did a great job writting this piece...
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Ahh... My head hurts now. So many people said I should change it and just as many said leave it. I am just going to put it back to it's original state. I liked it better that way. Thank you. ^.^
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Yes you used the term shadows quite a bit in the end, but i liked it, it conveyed the darkness of the piece or at l;east the intent of it, well done Bravo. a well penned piece I thought
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Thank you. ^.^ You are one of the only people who hasn't told me to change the end. Thank you again.
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i like it
It's an intriguing write. I like the msterious quality in it, and the imagry is pretty well described. It's a very nice write. -
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Thank you. ^.^
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Very good
and definitely eery and mysterious sounding. I would like that. I like your background, to and think it enhances the read.
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Thank you. I thought the background helped it as well.
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It was supposed to be over-used. That was part of the confusion. If you have any ideas for a different word to use, please let me know. It was meant to have the effect of the word "forevermore" in the Raven Oh well... I tried. Thank you though.
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<
I love the Raven....hmmm....I might have a suggestion on how to reduce the number of "Shadows"...I'll message you with it if you would like... -
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I love it too. By all means, I would love any sugestions you can think of.
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Alright
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I like this poem... the way it looks and sounds... but in the last two stanzas you use the word "shadows" 10 times. I'd work on changing the last two stanzas. They the poem will retain it's mysterious feeling.
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I over-used it intentionally. There is really no other word to use. It was part of the confusion throughout the poem. Oh well... Thank you anyway.
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