Are we screams that echo to finality,
drifting haphazardly on ribbons unfurled.
Caught like lonely ships in maelstroms fury
awaiting the eye to appear.
Are we becalmed beneath bridge of sighs,
refuges of romance drifting on the edge of the real,
clinging to initial confrontations
astride the saw teeth of retribution.
Are we looking through a prism in voyeuristic envy
at the prime motivation of fractured half.
Stripped to the source of mutual conception,
aborting the issue before it is born.
Are we purblind in visions of tunneled views
that compress reality to insignificant motes,
lost through the cracks in society;
an appendage removed to spite the face.
Are we like the sand that succumbs to sea,
eroding away in ignorance’s bliss,
‘till nothing remains but grit on the lenses,
a pointless irritation to infinities twists.
Author notes
Hope the muse comes back soon .. have missed reading you.
A contest entry
- MOTIVATE AND INSPIRE ME by Salt Therapy.
375 points, ended March 30, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites From March 2008 by amaranthine lover.
525 points, ended May 1, 2008, 34 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be honest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I really like how you wrote this piece. thanks for sharing.
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Much talent, lost in shadows
Very Intelligent and insightful observations, but hardly 'motivating and inspiring'. Very pessimistic in fact.
I believe a write which shows much intelligence and talent. Hope this intelligence finds its way to a more expansive and optimistic expression though, if it did, I believe I would add to favourites for ease of accessibility!
No doubt you'll choose your own path, but why not shine more light on some of the beautiful objects of analogy and qualities you've used?
Maybe a freedom can be found, in being drowned by the 'Ocean'!
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Unique Insight!
I like your poem, due to the fact that you reveal such a different view than mine of humanity and life in general. I love your individualism and I think it will take you far!! Great job! -
This is such a lovely write. This was really wonderful and i loved the imagery you have used here. It was so captivating. The last stanza was so great, it was so powerful. WEll done and all the best for the contest.
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wow uncle this is such an amazing piece and it speaks alot within this got me thinking. the ending is amazing i luffles you uncle
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this is amazing..almost like a philosophical conversation with yourself..if this doesn't kick one's muse in the ass nothing will..hehe..
‘till nothing remains but grit on the lenses,
a pointless irritation to infinities twists.
absolutely love your ending..it is just how it is..when at the beach..i am always picking the grit out of my bottom...pointless irritation..excellent..thanx so much for sharing..and best of luck in the contest..hugs a bunch..namaste..
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I especially like the questioning vein of this poem, often a poet makes a statement and the reader mentally switches off before the end line for who needs to hear a soul silently shouting, but, but a question is so, so different, it affords the reader liberty of introspection of self and poetry. Cartwheeeeeled at " initial confrontations astride the saw teeth of retribution" Darn, now that IS cutting! Mmmm, maybe, maybe tunnel / tunneled? " Aborting the issue before it is born" was a side/wiping phrase, it wounded but, but was wonderful metaphor, indeed, do those who genuinly care raise their concerns at the cost of any fruitful growth? Oh, I understood that fine-balanced do I/ don't I dismissiveness of things that will hurt if you know the answers too, but the duality of needing to know. Perhaps the perception of the Poet is the truth, at all costs, more likely that the reader rambles too much, as usual!!!
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