Haha! – O winter – those frostbitten days,
Wherein ice-laden whimsy oft abounds,
Make light of the seasons warm or ablaze,
When laughter's less raucous: perspiring pounds,
A delightful reprieve - I shan't complain,
When ne'er a dew-drop boils to vapour,
Inchling blades plied by cracked feet on the plains,
Wrap 'round toes tight as nourishing tapers,
The fresh scent of rain bears heavy and true,
The wind - picks up! - as it blusters and heaves,
A thought: I ought to get out of this hue,
Else it renders me lack lustre indeed,
Now breathe the fair air – note nostrils numbing,
Aha! – O winter – ice-reign's a-coming.
Author notes
Sonnet: 14 lines.
Rhyme restrictions: ABAB/CDCD/EFEF/GG.
Metrical foot: Iambic (loose).
Feet/line: 5.
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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very good
I particularly like the couplet. However at my age and disposition I need warmth to function. That dowesn't detract from my appreciation of your poem. Oh to be young again and sniff the frosty air.
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First of all, great use of alliteration and diction! Seriously! It's rare to find a writer who knows what he or she's doing, and you obviously do.
The metre in this is, for the most part, fabulous, but it is thrown off in some places, as such:
"Make light of the seasons warm or ablaze" -- the "of the" throws it off.
"The fresh scent of rain bears heavy and true" -- "fresh scent" is a spondee.
There are probably others somewhere that require "smoothing out," but otherwise, 'tis a fabulous piece.
-Cristina
PS: Sorry for the delay in commenting; finals week is approaching, and with it, my sanity and free time go bye-byes. -
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Hey,
Don't mind the delay, I didn't think you'd forget
I don't strive to maintain a strict meter, although I do try to maintain a nice sort of 'flow'. That the meter here is technically apt is almost coincidence (in that I have studied and do recognise the merit of good, if not strict, meter).
I'm glad you enjoyed it, I thought you might, it's good to find authors with the right views on language.
Cheers.
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A delicious sonnet. Well written and perfectly formed. I did love this, the sound, the vision, the images. Well done.
~Pamela 
. Rewarded 4
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This is a really cute poem. I liked it a lot. You had great flow. Great job.
Alyssa
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Hi,
Thanks. I tried for flow and alliteration especially in this one
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Are oft abound is not grammatically correct, oft abound or oft abounding would do it. You change tense in the third stanza. But hey, who cares.
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I don't see how 'are oft abound' is grammatically incorrect.
splinters = plural
are = plural
oft = often
abound = 'all over the place'
The third stanza requires review, I know. One day. -
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OK : you are using the verb form of the word to describe. 'all over the place' as in 'they abound' meaning, they're everywhere - that's used correctly. But you say 'they are abound' which is incorrect. You could say 'they are abundant' or, 'they are abounding'. Do you see the difference?
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Oh, right. I'll review it immediately. Thanks for pointing it out.
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The fresh scent of rain bears heavy and true,
The wind - picks up! - as it blusters and heaves,
I thought: “I ought to get out of this hue,
Else it renders me lack lustre indeed,”
Now breathe the fair air – note nostrils numbing,
Aha! – O winter – ice-reign's a-coming.
LIKED THIS PART ALOT KEEP UP THE GOOD WRITING. I THINK YOU HAVE A GOOD PEICE HERE. -
The is masterful &
I truly enjoyed reading it.
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Hello hello,
I wouldn't say masterful, but I'll get there
Thanks for taking the time to read.
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this was a nice pleasant read, thankyou for sharing and best of luck in the contest.
keira
liloven
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Hi,
Thanks for taking the time to comment, glad you enjoyed it!
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