We sat underneath
the Eiffel Tower
instead of at its top,
so our “love”
wouldn’t be
compatible with the sunrise
and our thoughts
wouldn’t become egotistic
as we looked down
on a world we’d never own,
as she put it.
Turning to me, she asked
“have you ever
lost yourself
in the epilogue of a romance novel?”
and paused so I could
ponder the actuality of this
“I like to imagine
in my own heart
what happened between the couple,
instead of feeling the tragedy
over and over –
and there’s something in
the way not knowing
lets you see the world
in a whole new light;
I know I’ll never die,
I can feel the shorelines and beaches
where tomorrow collects the seashells
holding pearls put on rings
of sturdy marriage
that’ll be washed away
by clouds who rain
unromantic divorce.”
Afterwards, she decided
it was best not to hold hands,
but hug each other’s shoulders,
licking the burdens off,
forming a circle with both our heads;
“an eternity” she explained.
And then asked
“if I were to kiss your lips
would any of your godliness
grow as a rose
in my mouth?”
She answered
“No – real couples
don’t base their lust
off spring symbols.”
And that was the day I realized
how love is anything
but cliché.
Author notes
"He cannot see her view - the angle of his vision, the slant of her finger, makes it incomprehensible to him."
[Toni Morrison's The Bluest Eye]
1. Name [Real & User]: Ryno / Ryan
2. Age: 16
3. Amount of Poetic Experience: 2.5 years
4. Typical/Strongest Style: Emotional and/or Metaphorical Freeverse
5. Unusual/Weakest Style: Lots of things
6. Favorite Type of Inspiration: Pictures, Summer and Hummingbirds. Not so good with quotes.
7. Amount of Multiround Experience: 1.5 years, been in a number of them.
8. Some Accomplishments: 3rd in Teen Idol and I got an HM in the Raven Qualifier.
9. One Fact I Don’t Know About You: My cat's name is Nicky.
10. Additional Comments You’d Like Me To Read: None.
A contest entry
- project poetry season one [prewrite & fresh auditions] by blackday.
600 points, ended March 27, 2008, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - vision. by layla..
300 points, ended April 5, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TURN A SILVER INTO GOLD CONTEST by Swan song.
600 points, ended April 25, 2008, 27 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Shoot.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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quite creative and unclique indeed.
love the quotes especially. not sure i can quite see anyone actually saying some of it, but has a wonderful "flow" to it, smooth, silken liquid, thoughtful. definetly a unique character, with a lot of strong beliefs, sees things in a new way.
the transition to "I know I'll never die" seemed a bit abrupt and the rest of the stanza seemed a little overwrought with images and metaphors and the like, and seems like first line of fourth stanza should read something like "And then I asked," because otherwise it seems like she's continuing to speak, not clear that switched speakers, a bit confusing. otherwise, though, this is awesome. especially love the first stanza and "lick our burdens off" was very striking and intriguing way to describe it. nicely done! -
This is simply amazing, especially for one so young. Well, okay, you're about a year younger than me, I think? But I don't know if I could reach something like this. What a scene! Excellent.
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Excelent poem strong in story and imagery I loved the ending to this well done!!!!!!!
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sigh... cliched innit? darn love. i really enjoyed reading this. it actually unexceptedly subtle. i thought my prompt sucked.... thanks for your entry and good luck
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This is really, tasteful shall I say? I love how this flows from one thought to another right in the moment. I love the images you use, they were beautiful. I like how she's in love, and yet has so many opinions to share.
There's so much to hold on to here.
Inspiring.
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huh. Interesting.
I didn't get it.
Enlighten me.
But I still really like it anyways... I'm just not good with metapors.
~Cassie
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There is not metaphor
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oh.
Well, I still love it anyways. 
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And a very uncliche love poem. Loved the ending and that quote is so inspiring. I have to read that book asap. Good luck in the contests!
I thought you were 16. So, which one is it? lol.
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Oops. Too used to saying I am 15
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Don't worry. I still feel 15 too. lol.
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The quotations were amazing. I loved them. They were really creative. This is probably one of the best romance poems I've read from you. A really nice twist, with amazing images that weren't played through the whole poem, but accents.
The only thing is in the fourth stanza. She answered her own question. I don't know if you meant to do that or no. haha
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/project%20poetry
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