If they had invented the guillotine today,
It would fold up nicely so you can stow it under the bed,
Or in the closet next to the amazing space saver organizer shoe tree.
And if you called within the next fifteen minutes,
You could get a miniature guillotine free,
For, you know, executing carrots, or hard-boiled eggs.
You could look disinterestedly on satisfied performers
Whooping like frenzied rhesus monkeys at all of its wonders.
You would be reminded that it is from the same company
That sold you that wonderful pasta pot that you still haven't used,
Or that incredible piece of plastic that keeps your baseball caps safe
In the sordid underbelly world that is your dryer.
You could decapitate a neighbor's annoying dog
While you sit and gape eating your perfect pancakes,
The fashion-model vinyl breakfast you could never get right yourself,
Brushing back your vacuum-cut hair,
Still in awe at the wonders
That a phone call can bestow to your home.
Author notes
Written December 5th, 2003
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1 - 9 of 9
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Sorry, Tennessee!
I only regret not having mentioned the singing bass somewhere in there
. Oh well, maybe in the sequel....
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Now that's funny
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sweetness. for the mere mention of the flowbee you get mad props. yeah, that's right, mad props. don't tell me i don't know what they are. 'cause, you know, i pretty much got it from context, and so should you.
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Um...I'd buy one to clip my fingernails with.
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Haha awesome examples and really a lot of truth hidden by some pretty good humor
this was a fun yet interesting read, glad to see it featured
Crystal -
OMG your like the best poet iv ever herd in my hole life like i love your righting your the best you should sign up in a contest youd get like first
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Very very nice. Lovely and real message in this. I enjoys the examples. And the killing of the neighbors dog. Mhm. I could go for some of that right about now. Nicely written Auto. You never fail to amuse me.
Treble -
Great job. It really brings out the ridiculousness of the versatile solutions to modern day life. wonderfully done
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Hilarious
Just....oh, perfect! You took my thoughts and made poetry outta them...again. Woohoo....too funny. Okay...okay...okay!!! Now do those ridiculous "reality" shows....or the "dating" ones. Ooooooh...I can hardly wait!!! So well done I'm jealous! Thanks for the laugh. 
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