umbrella tucked neatly
beneath one arm
he stood
looking up
as water pooled his shoes
smiled
as if the dark sky
held a sun
and the cold
grey drops its light
In a list
A contest entry
- resurrection by -Saffron-.
700 points, ended April 3, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Why have umbrellas when you can see the rain better without one.. =) I really liked this! you did such a great job.. The imagery was very vivid.. well done..
Angel
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So glad I happened across this little gem. Reminds of all those times I forgot my umbrella and just surrendered the rain. Lovely poem. I will be back to read more from you.
Thank you,
PB -
I don't believe in umbrellas,
and sometimes shoes need a wet day.
This caught my eye. I'll come around
again.
WW -
there are silver linings to everything
at least i hope
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love the marriage of opposites
looked up as water pooled his shoes
smiling into a gray sky as if the sun were shining....
You have an inspiring gift.
Your voice is so clear
its as if your fullfilling destiny when you write -
this is very interesting...as your work always is both a combination of intellect, skill and emotion.
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For me this is wonderful magic with words. A finished painting appears vividly in front of me, in simple but such big and rich sentiment.
Simply Great!!!
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Well, when you live in New York, what's the point of using the umbrella anway, right? Half the time the wind sends the drops sideways anyway. So what the hell -- embrace the weather...
Actually, growing up in Colorado and now living in California, I really like rain and can relate to the image. The reason is that it was and remains a relatively rare occurrence. Even though San Francisco can get its fair share of fog, even drizzles, on the Peninsula south of the City (where I live), you can go nine or ten months without a hint of rain. Same in Colorado, though it had a habit in the summers of producing some amazing 30 minute electrical storms. Nonetheless, Denver actually beats LA for number of sunny days (go figure).
Anyway, lovely image here Al. One I can 100% relate to -- the constrained language is just perfect.
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I happen to love rainy days, and particularly the grayness of the clouds, maybe even mixed with a little blue and purple, and when the rain just begins to fall lightly down. I have been that person (I am that person) who looks up at the sky and sees hope in the rainfall.
All that just to say that the few selected words that you presented here really ring of the positive. It’s all in how we choose to look at things, yes? And, as you know, I love the brevity of this work. I was very happy to see this here.
Thank you for writing this for the contest, and for inspiring me with your talent.
Saffron
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I have been there. It is a rare feeling your feet getting wet on a semi warm rainy day For some reason
it makes the day wonderful after the shock
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How do you manage to paint such a large picture with so few words?
This is beautiful and simple, at least at first glance. I'll give it a second glance later & see if I can find more to enjoy.
Barbie. Xx
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lovely ! .. for a good two reads i read it as umbrella locked ... i love the choice of words in 2nd stanza ..he stood /looking up ... (as opposed to he stood up)
and water pooling his shoes sets the tone and message beautifully ... wrapping up so nicely in the last stanza >>> Gina -
This resonates - especially this time of year in the northeast, when a storm that brings rain instead of snow really is a sign of better things to come.
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yes.
I love it when you take me into a moment like this.
Perfect.
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Good poem. Sadness laced with Hope, a dreadful combination.
Particularly like the image of second stanza.
Good luck in the contest.
Happy Easter,
Lisa
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stunning.... yepp
stunning..
the small cautiousness of being outside in the wind and rain, and knowing how it controls us
I woke up to snow covering the ground this morning
how funny the weather with us, ........... Happy Easter
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This made me think of an old native American saying that there is a thousand suns behind the clouds. Wonderful poetry, Al!
~ Nicolette
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I love the fact that he was smiling at a dark sky as if it held a sun. See, we all too often forget that happiness is in perception. Some people go out in the rain and say "I'm WET!!" While others go out in it and lift their face to it with sigh.
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I really like the way you managed the mood shift in this. Perfect.
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I like someone who doesn't mind the rain. And as the saying goes, "there can be no shadows without the presence of light." I know nothing about quantum mechanics, but I do know poetry...& this is it.
Wanda
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Wonderful and excellent and.. everything a poem needs to be.
Best wishes in the contest Al.
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Beautiful imagery in this. I liked the part of the dark sky holding a sun. It seemed to describe a hope that people could see a light from a heaven within the sky. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
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this is beautiful- and at least 98% accurate
mostly the dark holds
light
you are an amazing poet
m
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beautiful..
...we all should be so inwardly calm & take what comes our way without needing an 'umbrella' all the time..let life be...
so many ways to go with this poem..it's always the way we look at things..or choose to look at them..that is somewhat of a resurrection in itself..
I love the stood, looking..pooled...nice.. and
the neatly & beneath...and your line breaks.
very excellent poetry, as always.
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