sometimes the rats in the wall
are quiet; hindquarters still,
appetite sated, curiosity quenched,
tails curled tight around them
asleep so long
I believe them gone
[forever]
a rid-me-of-rodents miracle
then one moves
behind my eye
& I can’t see
one wakes another,
wakes another…
they move beneath skin
& scrabble on veins
the sound of claws on bone
[like nails on blackboards]
grows in my ears
until sightless eyes water
they chew on yesterday,
gnaw on tomorrow
& leave behind holes
easy to fall through -
and I have [will]
I’m learning their ways
& bending myself
around the curve
of my enemies
Author notes
my style of writing is free-form
I have Multiple Sclerosis and often refer to it as 'having rats in my walls'. To me, MS is an annoying invader. Knowing there are pests inside my body damaging it... well, I find that creepy. This poem tries to show how 'rats in my walls' feels to me. MS has affected my vision and cognitive functions. If you were to meet me you'd think I looked normal, not ill at all. My symptoms are usually invisible. Considering what MS can do to a person I feel fortunate. It could be so much worse.
Multiple Sclerosis is an auto-immune disease of the central nervous system. There is no known cause or cure. The symptoms are many and vary in severity. If you think of how many body functions are controlled by our nervous systems then you'd have a rough idea of what damage MS does to a person.
Thanks for reading this.
LadyUnique
In a list
A contest entry
- prewrites by Melissa Gayle.
300 points, ended April 21, 2008, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
whatcha think of this? critique welcome
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
-
Lovely.
how disturbing...i loved every second.
- the hairs on my neck stood up,
maybe because a fly was crawling on me, who knos...lovely Ny apartments.
- well time for me to go read it again...: )
-
Wowww. This left me breathless. Beginning to end, this was me --->
You wrote this brilliantly, and I'm sorry that you have that. I, actually, haven't heard of that before, but thank you for sharing it with everyone, and letting us know what it is. Wonderfully written. I especially loved:
-they chew on yesterday,
gnaw on tomorrow
& leave behind holes
easy to fall through -
and I have [will]
...
Incredible way of portraying it. Thank you so much for entering & I wish you the best of luck with everything. Hope you are well♥ -
_Yes_ Creativity / Originality
_Yes_ Imagery
_Yes_ Metaphor
_Yes_ Emotion
_Yes_ Reaction
_Yes_ Relatability
_Yes_ Fluency
_Yes_ Powerful Beginning
_Yes_ Powerful Middle
_Yes_ Powerful Ending
_Yes_ Connecting Ideas
_Yes_ Interesting Idea Behind Piece and/or a Message Behind Piece
_Yes_ Interesting In General (Does Not Bore) -
This is interesting, I don't believe I have ever really read an entire piece that has a rat metaphor - congrats for that!
I am not sure how I feel about the ending stanza, it almost seems too neat and tidy.
It is apparent that you are indeed a strong woman, the emotion in this is powerful and the wording simple but profound.
A great piece.
-
-
thank you kindly
using the phrase 'i have rats in my walls' really creeps my friends out but it works... they get it
i hate this 'alien' disease but yet have to befriend it if that makes sense. kinda like keeping your enemies closer
peace to you
-
-
A very unusual write... I read the poem to my wife and she asked: "What, is she on drugs?" Then I read the Author's Notes and we were both speechless. That has to be a very heavy burden to bear and we both wish you the very best... hope that you find something that will sedate the rats but not yourself! Thank you for featuring this.
-
-
"is she on drugs" made me laugh out loud
thanks for reading
-
-
this is very creepy but very very good thanks for sharing god bless you forever and always love dianna lee green also knowned as serenity lynn silvermoon
-
very good
"I’m learning their ways
& bending myself
around the curve
of my enemies"
couldn't have said it beeter myself
i recently got the merck manual (pda)
and
although for another who is ill
over the years
i've learned to negate the negative symptoms of a disability by pushing myself to achieve
sort of "keep doing what i'm doing"
to relay to the next tagmate, so to speak
the positive side of sreaming the impossible dream, in a sense
i applaud your courage, perserverance and humility
but
get away from "rats in you"
there's a deep seated dependence there
'tis better to say
"God don't make no garbage"
and
althought disabled by some sort of medical judgement
you are, and i don't take this lightly, the person God wanted you to be
as am i
-
I really love the double meaning to this. It is very interesting how you wrote this... Your words are wonderful... deep dark... and almost brooding... I love "rats in my walls" it is very unique idea....
Really well done
-
I love it... I never thought of writing of rats... very creative!!
-
well done! well done!
That was an incredible write!
Absolutely amazed at the metaphor you chose!
well done dearest poet, well done!
Blessings and hugs to you!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen/Seattle.
-
How very chilling. I cannot imagine the horrors that something like this brings, but you have given me a haunting and apt window to look through into what you face every day. This piece is stark and intensely brilliant, and very well written. I am glad that something positive like writing can come of this condition. You have immense talent.
-
A very intense metaphor. The poem is written very well, and gives the reader a glimpse into what it must be like... though I am quite certain it is nearly impossible to imagine without experiencing it.
peace,
Grimoire
-
incredible
Incredible poetry. . .
how you took sometimes so simple, common, and turned it into such a metaphor, giving it a voice. This was interesting to read - because it wasn't at all what i'd expected. Turned out to be an expressive piece, ofcourse Thanks for sharing this
~mewithoutYou
(-nOva)<--!
-
my mom has MS also, and i love this poem very much, i hope you don't mind me showing it to her. but i think you write really well, and the poem is just superb. i wish you the best of luck with your MS, i know how hard it must be, and i can't wait to read more of your poetry.
-
-
I'm honored that you'd like your mom to read this I hope it makes her feel not so alone. MS is an unpredictable disease, different for each person. I hope she's doing well
-
-
This is a very nicely done metaphorical poem. The title grabbed me at once. It is not at all what I expected. I read it because in the fall, I have real mice scrabbling through my walls.
-
It is amazing how you managed to turn something so terrible into such an amazing piece of art.There can be no truer art! Of course there is always a cost, and I'm very sorry to hear about this particular cost.Great poem!
-
Wow. That is wonderfully expressive! A great, complete emotional metaphor! Yet open enough for people to read into it as it applies to them. Made me think of depression! Mood intruders Nice work! Thanks for sharing! Also, GREAT title.
-
The poem is amazing and very clever in the way you have assosciated this with your illness I could not begin to imagine the pains that you must feel but thias would drive me crazy. A very well put together poem. all my best wishes to you (Brian)
Adding your comment:
1 - 21 of 21
