Years go by, time has passed
life has slipped away fast
lost loves and broken dreams
scar your heart with echoed screams.
You've been down so many times;
in your heart and in your minds
always finding your way up again
until your only reach is with a pen.
Tired, feeling aged, weathered and worn
seems there is no pain you haven't borne,
people mistreat you in ways unfair
but nothing's new, you really don't care.
Reminiscent of creative arts
your once organized workshop and parts;
hobbies that once pleasured your time
now buried in clutter, lack luster and shine.
Fighting the state of apathy
when nothing seems a catastrophe
You'd mow the lawn and cut the weeds
lawnmower won't start, weed eater string won't feed.
Nobody ever comes to visit or call
and it doesn't bother you at all
you're too old to make the same mistakes
because even for those you lack what it takes.
Yes, I have memories, most fade away
nightmares of war, they always stay.
sinking into quagmires of mistrust
despair sets in and dust turns to dust.
Then when all seems like a long last dance
out of nowhere comes another chance
a lady who fills your heart with love and dreams
the only obstacle, now, the ocean in between.
Author notes
*Facing the realities of growing old.
20 lines at least
In a list
A contest entry
- PIF - Quickie ~ Reserve a spot by Dutch Doll.
750 points, ended April 13, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - On Golden Pond by BluRosePoet8488.
1750 points, ended April 29, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options =] p/w allowed! by LeilaJayne.
700 points, ended May 7, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anything & prewites by whos my humblepie.
600 points, ended July 20, 2008, 39 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhymed prewrites only ... by ecrivain01.
800 points, ended July 31, 2008, 40 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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So Beautiful
Oh that ocean is just to big sometimes. This is an excellent poem. Look at all those trophy's. Oh I so admire your gift to pen poetry. Such an increadible story that I'm sure many can relate too. I'm starting to get rusty and old too and I'm hanging on to some old memories as well. Weathered Worn is a perfect title to this poem. Gee I can't imagine being in the war that would bring nightmares for sure. You sure have lived an increadible life to write poetry as you do. So creative you are. Congradulations on all the trophy's too. Very well deserved. Thank you for sharing your gift to write poetry with me.
Many Blessings
Much Love
Your Sis
Kelle Marie
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This is nice ...
but you should correct the obvious errors:
in line 10, it should be "borne", not "born"
in line 12, it should be "nothing's", not "nothings"
in line 13, it should be "reminiscent", not "reminisce"
in line 23, it should be "you're", not "your"
in the last line, remove "is" so the meter isn't so ragged
This is a nice poem, but the changes in tense are grating.
Thanks for entering. -
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I was looking over the errors you listedYour and You're
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oops wrong key, sorry
I was looking over the errors you listed "Your and You're" seems to be one of those things I repeatedly do , I know better but just keep doing it.I dropped the "is" in the last line.
I changed the "born" to "borne" but not sure I understand what the reason for that is.
I looked up "reminiscent" and "reminince" and read the definition of both, had a difficult time realizing the difference but finally figured it out and you were right about that as well.
I put the apostrophe in the word "nothings" and spell check said that was incorrect, but I suppose it could be wrong.
Thanks for the constructive critique this is how we learn and improve and I appreciate your pointing these things out to me.
Best regards. -
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Actually, on rereading ...
I see that you didn't put the apostrophe in "nothings". Look at the line.
but nothings new, you really don't care. (but nothing is new - nothing's is the shortened form for nothing is)
The "e" on "born" is there because they are two different words, and mean two different things. The word born has to do with birth, the word borne means carried.
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interesting the
borne and born, something I wasn't aware of.
Fixed the nothings to nothing's .... the spell checker is incorrect it keeps saying that "nothings" is correct but looking at it as "nothing is" makes total sense to me .
Thanks again -
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On the whole, spellcheck is a good thing ...
but every so often, it makes some really egregious error.
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Much better now.
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I felt that in the last couple of verses you were struggling to continue your poem. I enjoyed the first portion very much though.
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Great poem.
Thanks for entering my contest.
Good luck
♥ Christina -
Ah they do and I can relate to this very much as it seems to be the way things are for me most of the time. Time is a scary thing and time passing is even more soi.
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You certainly have a grasp on the realities of growing old. I really like this one. The use of the pic tells the story. Weathered and worn. In te end though you find love again. Well written. Thank you for sharing. Keep the ink flowing and good luck!
~Donna~
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I really enjoyed this and in many ways reminds me of something my own father would write. Very wonderful talent you have, thank you for entering this wonderful poem and congrats on your gold
blessings always,
Adriana -
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Thank you Adriana
it touches me so to have you relate my poem to something your father might write. sometimes , out of all the prompts and poems we write that are without real meaning we write something from the heart and it is good and when we do and it is recognized it means so much more. Thank you for recognizing my heart felt poem .
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There is a depth of wisdom and heart to these lines I have read this through a few times... you come across a piece now and then that just reaches down touches your heart and soul no matter what ... if dreams are wishes and wishes are hope .... may all your wishes, dreams and hope come true. Beautifully penned. Book marked this one HH
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