Day light is slipping,
barnacled in tincture touch,
laid deep, cut hard strong and meaningless.
In this plaything which we travel.
Our hearts cry out,
tears dry like ethanol apathy,
at the thought that no one is listening.
Why would they ever listen to us?
Night time is listlessly leaning to take out,
forehead grown cold blue,
pale skin glistens.
pieces.
The dawn so little comfort,
entailing another oncoming darkness.
If history has a say.
The burning sunshine,
the crashing waves threatening,
the small beginning of a tear glistening is not enough.
Death is not the greatest expression of humanity.
A contest entry
- Wow Me! by Malkolis.
450 points, ended March 30, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
An escape into abstraction.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Good
A somewhat chilling poem that speaks volumes about the mind set of the author. The emotions electrify the intensity of this piece taking the reader confidentially into your thoughts and feelings of mediocrity surface within the reading. A surreal look at how the world is.
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Thank you for reading and commenting, and using your imagination. I do like this piece. I don't think I'd change much if anything. It's sort of its own thing.
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I have to admit, i was unable to get past the first stanza. i probobly would have liked this poem. But the beginning just ruined it for me.
thanks for entering. -
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I can't imagine why you'd probably like the rest if you couldn't get past the first stanza. You don't really give me much to go by, or work with. Could you indicate what you didn't like? e.g. lack of form...stumbly prose....something?
If not, I understand. With contests you're hit with lots of pieces to comment on and only so much time and energy to expend. Anyhow, take care, best of luck with the contest.
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Abstract is a good word for this, it fits the mold perfectly, that is a good thing, this does exemplify abstract writing good write.
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wonderful and I just loved the ending. very strong and powerful. stellar poetry!
pen on poet.....
creatresss
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Thanks for reading and commenting.
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This is great poetry ...
It gripped my soul and pulled me right in. This is a poem I want to hold forever inside a special file of life ... to read it and to feel it and to know I am humane.
But it also stressed something inside the silent poem. It says: Destined for the Divine. And it said us ... which means: we are not alone.
Oh. I loved this so much. You brilliant one. Did you write pieces. intentionally with a small letter?
Please let me know.
Myra
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Yes. And please feel free to publish it. You have a non-exclusive license, so I can publish it any where I want. I'll send more info in an IM. Thanks. I'm flattered beyond words.
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Thank you so much!
I do not flatter but you are free to feel flattered nevertheless.
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