I'm in here, but do I know her
The one who never knew what she could do
What is this sinew lining my bayou
What are all the reasons why this shell will die
Every second is an opening to rise a new one
Gotta gun to my head, it says decide
If I martyr my master its just like suicide
I know the age is getting late
So close to recognizing her fate
Find a new way to exist, you and me
Treading our way out of tragedy
Gotta razor to my lungs, it wants to confide
It says it's sick and it nearly died
Trailing myself back through time
To pull myself out of the other side, alive
Twelve lifetimes ago I knew the lie
Still today I won't look it pupil in the eye
See me as I conform for thee
Didn't even get a thank you
I let you rewrite history
Tracing my fingers over these seven altars
Gold headdress, salty teeth and I won't rest
The hunt for wild sovereignty in the west
Gotta taste for this hunger
Light that would blow you asunder
Between space and energy lies a piece of me
With some time to waste
I'm in here, hands spread over heart
Assimilating my every part
Attempting to acquire truth to tell the liar
Following the force with fortitude
Melting into my every mood
Dilated, demented, oh despair
Split a piece of wood and you will find me
Lift a stone and I am there
whats going on in your portals girls and boys?
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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I think it is great
I understood it keep up the great job and I could relate to this poem
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I have to agree with most of the comments made about not understanding the meaning in your message although I do find it quite spiritual in nature.The last stanza is written with a clear understaning of what was said in the bible when Jesus arose from the grave,"Split a piece of wood and you will find me, Lift a stone and I am there." Maybe you should add a note in the authors space, expalining a little of your reasoning in this write. Otherwise, I thought it an excellant write.
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Excellent opening stanza! Excellent ending to the second stanza. Excellent flow and rhyming
"Tracing my fingers over these seven altars" and "Melting into my every mood" wonderful lines
Good write overall. Wonderful imagery and metaphors. Bravo!!!
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Interesting, though the meaning is more than likely lost to me, a force is found in these words that seems unexpected.
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Although the meaning is somewhat lost to me I find this a powerful sounding poem that resonates beyond the page with your unique word usage and imagery.
Some details:
"It says its sick and it nearly died," should read "it's" for "it is sick" I think.
"Still today I won't look it pupil in the eye" does not make sense with "look it pupil" - the English usage needs correction.
"Dilated, demented, oh despair
Split a piece of wood and you will find me
Lift a stone and I am there" - words of such power and force yet unexpected. Thanks so much for sharing
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Interesting
Hello there.
This is an interesting poem and it seems well written. I'm not quitesure what the poem is basically concerned with- is it you versus the inner you? That aspect of it is quite confusing, because I'm not seeing this poem as clearly as I'd like.
Have a gr8 day,
BJ.
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Your poems are always interesting. I enjoyed this one. I loved the last stanza best...so well-articulated. Great stuff!
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This is one of the best ones i've read yet. i love the way you just made all the words flow and this is so beautiful. Great Write.
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What a beautiful write, it just flowed from my mouth like silk. I loved the referral to the Book of Thomas as well. Brilliant piece my dear!
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Absolutely impressive piece of work. I enjoyed the vocabulary and the rhyme seems to enhance it as well. I'd quote the parts I enjoyed, but there are just too many. Excellent work. And if I recall correctly, the last two lines here are from The Gospel of Thomas, which was omitted from the Bible. I always loved those lines.
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the rhyme works well within this. Some of the flow could use work. I suggest with playing with the words a little. changing some of them. read it aloud and see what is hindering the flow.
I actually enjoyed this. Its a very well written poem, but even well written poems could use work every now and then. -
nice rhyme. love the flow and a great poem. a favorite if i could. and love the bg!
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This definitely has a rhythm all it's own, kinda punkish, and that I really like, being of the old skool punk.
The Twelve lifetimes ago thing is very strong, that phrase would make a nice opener for some future write.
Ya done good on this.
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punk portal packed with pachinko players.
Very nice poem here. Third line is great. As are : final two lines, stanza two - white hole the opposite of black hole; got a taste for this hunger; between space and energy; and the final couplet. Some typos, but great rhythm, sustained mood. What else is going on in your portal?
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what typos?
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Stanza 2 line 4 treading, line 5 razor, line 6 it's, stanza 4 line 1 altars.
I'm just picky, for me it impedes the flow of the poem. Sorry if I've offended you, that is not my intention. -
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not offended at all! thanks for your help
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Your inner self spoke powerully here. Your last stanza was exceptional.
"Split a piece of wood and you will find me
Lift a stone and I am there" - these are fantastic (and beautiful) lines.
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Nicely done
Very thoughful conclusion. I enjoyed the sentiment.
Happy trails.
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My goodness. I love the language in this. I really liked these lines,
"Gotta gun to my head, it says decide
If I martyr my master its just like suicide"
"Attempting to acquire truth to tell the liar"
Very well penned!
I think the second to last line has an error . "Pieced" to Piece.
~Leah
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nice, love the words and the rhythm!
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