Disquieting rumbles ripple the ambiance,
Time's blood coagulates in my eyes,
Voices call to me, sing to me,
In flamboyant strains of yearning,
To light a candle for the sinners,
For myself like any other blasphemer,
Masquerading with an angel's wings,
That flutter fitfully and atrophy,
I owe no allegiance to an empty god,
Realisation generates a distant stillness,
Decisiveness bids me offer the Dagda,
The void that consumes from within,
Regurgitating the ingrained lassitude,
Spilling onto the page like moonbeams,
The deafening entropy that emanates,
From this disorientating aberration,
That lingers ever with me,
As I play these damnation games.
Author notes
...............
A contest entry
- Picture Inspiration...or...Word Bank...or Something You Know I Will Adore... by SummerlandRayne.
519 points, ended March 29, 2008, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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again, trophy nice. Lol i liek the feel of this poem and def. understand why yiou silver..very nice..
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very well presented, dark an deep
my favorite part was:
For myself like any other blasphemer,
Masquerading with an angel's wings,
sooo deep yo
im not a saint but im still gonna pray for you for this one
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Well ... I'm a religious person lol. So needless to say this isn't my favorite. Though oddly enough I do think it was well written.
Megan -
The subtle darkness engineered here has a compelling feel to it yet this style of poem is outside my life (74 and slowly roaring towards the end?) LOL. So, as poetry it touches the reader but I must mention a couple or three things that can be so easily sorted. The spellings or typos: Masquarading / Masquerading; alligence / allegiance ; eminates / emanates; and, I think moon beams should read moonbeams. There are some possessives that should take apostrophes, the first of which in absence makes little sense of the line: "Times blood coagulates in my eyes" this makes sense when re-written as: "Time's blood coagulates in my eyes" don't you agree? Then there is "an angels wings" which should become "an angel's wings". I heartily congratulate you on your silver.
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OK.. just WOW WOW WOW!
As always I have to read your pieces over and over to grab their fullness!!
I play those games too... a blasphemer masked with angels wings that are slightly shinged... and my alliegance go awry...
Your darkness is all consuming at times... but it is the Beautiful Dark indeed!
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As always...dark and wonderful...cryptic words and thoughts that whisper my name...taking me into the recesses of your mind, where I bask in the glory of your thoughts. Thank you so much...I am most pleased!
My Best~
Az -
I'm assuming you went with the picture as the prompt.
Umm very discriptive due to the rich vocabulary that can be found in the poem, however I feel that sometimes the vastness of your word choice hinders the original feeling of the poem. I say that because I have to stop and go look up two or three words as I go along to try and fully understand what you're trying to say. Great for me, bad, I think, for the flow. Very strong message you get across here. I think it corresponds with how a lot of us feel with reguards to the issues of sin ect. Oh I love your ending. Very strong. Over all very nicely written well done I really enjoyed. Learned a thing or two while I was at it! lol
-Sasha
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