it crashes in time with the wind against my window
rocking the panes, it threatens to shatter the glass, break its icy cage
each breath stings and threatens to collapse my lungs
before it subsides into nothing
hardened and cold
untouchable and frozen
everything seems so bleak
…worthless…
…pitiful…
brought on by me?
or him?
or them that refuse?
it spreads
and i feel it grow
Left with nothing to stop it
assuming that i’d make the attempt if i could
it was brought on by me
when it was dark and light
lonely and surrounded
held captive in a realm full of freedom
when it was weak and strong, crying and smiling
it pledged nothing
A contest entry
- A B S T R A C T I O N S.....W E L C O M E by Albrecht Duracell.
1000 points, ended March 24, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
while i appreciate the niceties, i would appreciate objective criticism more
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Kind of like a puzzle, but then again, not really... "Abstractions", I can see where that comes in. You throw in some great images and some vivid lines that really make this piece shine, but the ambiguity of it left me... abstractly distracted and ambiguous...
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Held captive in a realm full of freedom. That's a very unusual line. It had me thinking for some time. I wonder what that must be like? I like the way the contrasts and dispensation of catalysts are explored. This is a poem that makes you think and wonder. (Mainly about what exactly it was).
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I liked all the contrasting dualities in the final section, though as I reread this once again I'm thinking it's not connecting with me at a trophy level. Thanks for entering, though. Close... no cigar.
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Yes... very abstract... I like the idea to this.. but I think it could use more description and less clicheness... If that is a word... well it should be. Anyways... I do so like what you have done here.. its a wonderful take on a dark experance... quite easy to understand, and perhaps relate too...
wonderful
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This is abstract and very ambiguious as you didn't name what "it" was. And the personification in the last two lines leads me to believe it's a he or she. But I'm sure. A challenging piece to be sure (especially for first thing in the morning lol). Great work!
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