Self-doubt had me in a strangle hold,
but I managed, briefly, to break free;
Hopelessness grabbed my ankles as I
tried to make a run for it.
I fell face down in the mud, gasping
for air and my dignity.
I dragged my soiled self to my knees
and crawled to the nearby pond.
The murky surface reflected my face.
Narcissus would recoil at the image
wavering there, blurred by muddy ripples;
my eyes watched my soul being sucked
beneath the water's surface.
Who is this woman I have become?
Once happy and confident, now
feeling misunderstood,
because the perpetrator
always sees himself as victim.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Resting by the Pond
I close my eyes and toss a pebble;
it plops as it cuts the water's surface
bubbles marking its quick descent.
I count my breath and imagine
the pebble touching bottom,
resting softly on pond silt,
the water's undulations
rocking it gently.
Silently meditating
prayer centering and shielding
from the world's unkindness.
I can rise now and walk,
no need to crawl
no need to defend myself
because my soul-friend
is waiting for me.
A contest entry
- Therapy by Dienush.
600 points, ended April 6, 2008, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
All comments are appreciated!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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self reflection...have done much of this lately...congrats on your bronze...excellent poem
blessings always ~Trisha~
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I really like the pond motif present in both poems, as a metaphor for self-reflection. The imagery is powerful and vivid and it is impressive how you have correlated the two poems, as well as how you could find the solution in the same metaphor. Lovely writing and also very personal. Thank you for taking up this poetic challenge and I do hope it has helped you, at least in some small way. I also really like it how the last couple lines of the second poem interweave so well with the first piece... as if you're starting to recognize yourself, to see peace and love within yourself and that helps you go on. I wish you the best
~Diana
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Thank you, Dienush!
I need to add my thanks again for the Bronze trophy. I am very honored. Congrats to the other winners as well and to all who took up this challenge.
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Good choice of title. Excellent description of the intensity of struggle, the sense of quietly gathering strength to make another break from feelings of hoplessness and self-doubt. Very intense "Narcissus would recoil at the image." Interesting observation of one's own feelings of distress against the counterpoint of an initiator's demanding the role of "victim" and its sympathetic permitting of circumstantial exceptions to routine expectations of 'good behavior' or 'taking responsibility for one's choices and actions'. The perplexing quality of the situation comes through.
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Humm..this is a struggle between the self and the world..as self is innocent while this world is not..while self is sacred and this world is not..while the self is bold and this wortld is not..and you have portrayed it so beautifully my friend..and thanks for commenting on my work as well.God bless you..take care...
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This is amazing,
heart-breakingly beautiful and full of emotion.
It has left me (almost) speechless.
Your word choice in this is excellent and the flow of the poem is superb.
I love the lines :
my eyes watched my soul being sucked
beneath the water's surface.
I also love the first stanza as it is so powerful and really drags the reader in. The imagery created in this piece is mindblowing, it left so many pictures in my head.
Well done! This is a excellent poem, and goodluck in the contest you have entered.
Arc-En-Ciel--x
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Wow! This is my favorite of what I've read from you thus far. It perfectly describes where I am right now. And that ending...
...ain't that the truth? Good luck in the contest!
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