Dream
Never ends
Drifting sleep
Flowing shadows
Forms shifting afloat
Stalker follows footsteps
Seeking you in your hiding
Closer he pursues knife in hand
Chasing you finding your silent scream
Hearts pounding gasping for breath relentless
Ghostlike figures rapping on death’s embrace
Lost in dark woods a face with no name
Rushing hidden near falling tree
Breathing not making a sound
Crackling of twigs nearby
Nightmare magic step
Demon catching
Blade striking
Slit, slice
Death
Author notes
This is a double etheree form poem. syllable count is
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1. My first attempt, let me know what you think, hope you enjoy.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Wow, not only do etheree scare me (first time seeing them), but so did your poem. Can't get anymore descriptive than that my friend. As I was reading it, it was like I was watching a movie being played in my head and really it helped me get a feel for this poem. Really this is remarkable and astonishing. I really do love this poem and I'm going to tell you right not after seeing this etheree for the first time I'm afraid to attempt one and it looks like you did it with ease.
"Ghostlike figures rapping on death’s embrace" Favorite line throughout this whole entire piece. Again I give you full kudos for attempting something like this and excelling in it. Great Job!!!! -
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Thank you very much for your awesome critique. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's a tough form to do but very fun also. Thanks again.
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I've done etherees about dreams myself. Yours has the feeling of chaos that would no doubt accompany being in such a frightful situation . . . all one wishes for is to hide. The shaping of your etheree is really quite good.
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Thank you very much for reading and commenting! It is very much appreciated. I really enjoy the etheree form. Thanks again.
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You have done a wonderful job on syllable count and shape. The pace accelerated in the second part and that pushed the action forward. Normally I prefer punctuation in a poem, but each line is a single thought and the reader naturally stops before moving on to the next line. Peace, Liz
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Thank you for reading and commenting. This is a fun form to write and challenging also. Appreciate you taking the time to read.
Charley
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Excellent
WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CK, this is such a perfectly penned piece of poetry.
Quite different from all of your other writes.
First attempt.
Eh?
You did a wonderful job.
Well done.
Keep up with the great work.
Keep on penning.
Thank you so very much for sharing your wonderful talents with us.
*S* Cynthia
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Thank you Cynthia for reading and commenting it is always appreciated.
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AWESOME
Charley, you have penned another wonderful write.My, you are so talented.I love this,the shape of the double etheree looks fantastic, I am at the moment trying to learn this form myself.The story behind your words is awesome, the visuals that you have included in your write are vivid allowing the reader to really see what you are writting about.The story gave me chills, it was well penned.I'm running out of hats to take off my head, so I can't take my hat off to you!! lol lol.So I will have to give you my standing ovation instead! When you see the three applauses go cross eyed and then you will see six, that is what I wish I could give you for such a wonderful right.Keep penning my dear poet friend, you have such great talent that simply shines!
Take care and blessings to you.
Your old friend, ~Angel~
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Thank you Angel. This took awhile to do and to get the syllable count right to create the form was pretty difficult. I had to change lines numerous times to get it that way. I love the challenge though. Thanks for reading and commenting I love what you have to say.
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ckwriter69
I can well imagine just how hard this was to do.Getting the syllable count right to create the form is very frustrating to do, but it does challenge the mind,and when completed we feel that we have acomplished something, not just a written poem.I know how it feels having to change lines many times over, but that is the challenge and like you..I love a challenge also, even if i do at times feel like pulling my hair out lol lol.
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Dark write. I like this form of poetry, great rhyme and I like the way the words created a shape. Thanks for sharing and keep writing.
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Thank you Haley for reading and commenting. I appreciate it very much. This was a fun form to work with.
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