There's a little rust upon me,
Something deep and black and wrong
I try to be a normal guy
but it never lasts for long.
I force a smile and hold it
tell a joke to make them grin
But behind the joker's visage
is the hell I'm living in.
I find I cry too often
for reasons I don't know
there's an entire side of me
I can't bring myself to show.
I fall in love too easily
it's keenly that I feel
I hate the me in mirrors
There's nothing that is real.
I pretend that love will fix it
It's an answer to all queries
Rationalise this heartache and
Kill it off with theories.
No matter what, no matter when - I'll never quite be free
How can I hope to e'er be loved? They shouldn't have to fix me.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I guess guys go through this...where everyone wants a normal guy as you try to be.
I guess there's are certain point that guys can be supersensitive to...in matters of personal stuff.
I don't know, I guess I should be a guy to know this.
Thank you for sharing this.
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Yeah! I know this feeling - or rather i remember this feeling back when i was younger. you show it quite well.the first verse is gr8.
i think the poem works well until the last verse. what happened there? it kinda falls apart a bit in the layout, almost like it doesn;'t belong to the rest of the poem. perhaps it should end with the second last verse? that's a good finish i reckon. -
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Haha, you've not been the first to comment on that. I think the only reason it made the cut was because that final line was the one I started the whole poem with.
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.....Wow--how miserably sane, lol. Isn't it funny how twisted people get inside over other human beings? I've learned two things about love----it heals you when you're sick and ails you when you're well. I've missed this site!! I don't have the internet so I'm never here very much. Glad to see your particular brand of adult angst around this parts....Isn't it so refreshing not to be 18 and indulging in generic teenage misery anymore? There's something to be said for being 21 and disgustingly, immaturely angsty, lmao. Ah, emotion. Don't waste your talents on being sad----though misery does love company, I'd like to see you rise above the rest of us miserable bastards. Much love-------------------------"Kate"
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Sad poem!!
I really did not mind the change in meter at the end. I actually loved the change. It makes it sound like a final realization, the nail in the solitary coffin you're building.
I really truly do understand self loathing. I felt this way for years. Then I realized that everyone is hiding some part of themselves. We all have things that we are unhappy with in ourselves!
If you could trust yourself to allow someone in, and be who you are without so much reservation, you might find that it will bring you closer to people who accept the real you and love you for it.
If you hide too much out of fear, you won't be able to find the one who loves the real you! (Trust me, they are out there.) You will never know if people like you or a picture you painted for them. What an insecure way to live!
I enjoyed this poem very much. Thanks for letting us in to read it.
Joyce
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I found this both interesting and sad, though I think we all feel this way at times. As far as structure "they shouldn't have to fix me" sounds out of meter and awkward, though the suggestion I was thinking of doesn't seem any shorter. I actually clicked on your name simply because that was actually my father's name CW Bush (tho his was for Charles Walter) and I was curious who you might be. I enjoyed your description and wish you luck in your endeavors. Perhaps I'll return soon to read more.
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I agree. I know I wanted it to end with that line, but it doesn't fit the metre at all well. I rarely revisit old works, but this one's bugging me :-p
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