When you're sad or when you're mad,
When you're bad or when you're dead,
Look at the pretty little horses!
They'll remind you of your bed.
Author notes
This was written by my brother, and edited, typed up, and styled by me. He was inspired by my orchestra piece, "All the Pretty Little Horses" he's only 10, so don't kill me with your comments please. Thanks!
What do ya think?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
Cute, this is pretty good for 10 year old. Say hi to Gregory for me! I look forward to hearing this piece in some concert (I assume)
-
Aw, i like it. Theres a contrast between the darkness and innocence that everyone sees at some point in their life. I pictured my old room with all the little pony collectibles I use to have. It made me smile to remember it, so thanks for that. The inner line rhyming I like, but how it carries into the second line I'm not sure. Maybe trying to rewrite the first two lines to have only inner rhyme or line ending rhyme. Another bit in the rhyme scheme is "horses" is a key item it seems and it doesn't have anything to focus it out. And in turn, since there is nothing to focus it, it seems to be put in randomly.
Give Koo-does to your brother, he has talent. And Koo-does to you as well, you have an interesting writing talent in you. -
For ten years old, this is amazing. but you might wanna edit some of the rhyming, it slips a bit in the middle
-
Lol I can totally imagine him saying something like that. I've never heard that piece; I'll have to listen to it sometime ^.^ Tell Gregory I said hi
-
Aww this is cute, good job with this
*KT*
-
aww, I love that song! the kenny loggins version is awesome. but I thought it was ponies and not horses? *twitch* nice categories. :| uhhh reminds me too much of my little pony. *twitch* haha
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
