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Time Grows Old

time grows old as he waits

cobwebs woven in the chair which I sit

their tangled threads remain steadfast

as still I sit motionless - catatonic - waiting

time passes silently by, withered and wrinkled

the dust from the past remains unmoved

 

still waiting for elusive opportunity

time grows old as he waits

his rusty hands grind to a halt

the cobwebs are steadfast

still the dust remains and

the breeze whispers truths

 

relinquish your youth bestowed beneath!

today is but an ember fading into the wind

still time grows old

withered and wrinkled as he waits

for the rusty hands of time grind through seconds

and hours and days and months and years

 

relinquish thought!

the past is but ashes long gone

a fire put to rest long, long ago

but still time grows old

as I sit here in my chair

the cobwebs unmoved

 

relinquish yourself to tomorrow!

before the future becomes but an unobtainable dream

as I sit endlessly till eternity

waiting for opportunity to drop in my lap

time grows old as he waits

and the breeze whispers its truths

 

make way for the new!

old and grey is the dust unmoved

remove yourself from your comatose!

search for the elusive opportunity

before the fire of the future extinguishes

before time grows old

 

time grows old!

but the breeze bring news

news of hopes rekindled

cobwebs long gone

stand and embrace change

let the dust blow away in the breeze

 

cobwebs long gone from the chair which I sit

still time grows old; I wait for no one

his rusty hands tick on into eternity

rise and embrace him

or condemn him to his withered dying youth

dawn's destiny is upon us all



In a list

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • fakeport
    May 11, 2008

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    A brilliant write, breathing new life into a subject that's been covered in hundreds of poems before. You clearly have a great vocabulary, but I never felt you were showing it off just for the sake of it. Good work


  • jcat gold member
    April 21, 2008

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    Your last line left me speechless!!! While the whole poem was magnificent the last line did me in!! You truly are a gifted poetess and it is an honor to read your pieces!!


    • background music
      April 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! and thanks for taking the time to read my poetry. It means a lot to me.


  • Sandra R Reynolds gold member
    April 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great write there are so many lines I like. Great work


  • Lucy.
    April 6, 2008

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    Some beautiful vocabulary here, and the repetitiveness of certain lines and words is effective. I like it.


  • Tarja
    April 2, 2008

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    This was really amazing. Though I am generally not a fan of this style of free verse... I couldn't help but be pulled in by the sincerity and passion poured into this. I honestly believe you penned your heart and soul here. And that is always a huge plus for me. Well done. I think this was fantastic.


  • luckynsincere
    March 27, 2008

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    I find this piece truly unique. It is convincing and alluring with its' wording. I usually become discouraged with the "repeated" words in a poem, but here... it works... it gave me the feeling of the hands of time actually ticking away. Lovely effect, btw!
    If I could make only one small suggestion. It is apparent that you hold a wonderful talent, remarkably proven here in this poem, I say do away with the caps on the beginning of each line. Makes it a bit bumpy and causes the eyes to jump

    Other than that I shout PERFECTION!!!!!

    withered
    wrinkled
    catatonic
    unobtainable
    rusty

    those are VERY rich choices!!!!!

    THis is one of the best I have read in a bit!!!

    Sincerely,
    Mel


    • background music
      March 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks!

      It means a lot to me that you took the time to leave such a detailed comment. I have always wondered about caps as opposed to lowercase at the begining of each line. Traditionally poems always have caps... so nowdays they don't have to?? I agree though, I didn't think of it before .


      • luckynsincere
        March 27, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        my pleasure. No you dont "have to" do it any particular way... but I "personally" think that with or without puncuation, that you only need caps at the start of a new sentence, or thought.

        much enjoyed


        • background music
          March 27, 2008
          Edit | Reply

          cool!

          Thanks for the advice, I agree, with free-verse and contempory poetry the caps is not all that necessary is it... I think this poem looks more pleasing to the eye with out them.


  • Kari gold member
    March 24, 2008

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    I believe that you'll do really well here on AP All of your poetry has really amazed me. This is so very deep and thought provoking yet once again and it sends chills to me. Very very well done


  • bozoloper
    March 21, 2008

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    i like this a lot. there's some very good iamges in here, and i like the repitions of "time grows old" it moves the piece along well, pulling the reader back in each time.


  • Neha Kaushik
    March 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    beautifully written.. loved the way you've portrayed the senescence and the feelings and thoughts associated with it. loved the lines where you've talked about hopes.. thanx for sharing..
    god bless you..

1 - 14 of 14