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Hint












i turned to look
for just a second
briefly stroked your
flushed, smiling cheeks
eager to pursue
the day's promise

your brilliant mirrors
gave no warning
no hint of horror

before my face
punched the windshield












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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Cidalishus
    May 2, 2008
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    cool poem short and spicy kepp doing your stuff


  • lovemedeath
    April 29, 2008
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    wow!!!!


  • dp robertson
    April 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is good work- I would lose the "and" but that's just me.


  • gemma--summer
    April 9, 2008
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    bril

    brilliant poem ur realli good


  • Kari gold member
    March 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The punch line is what added extra depth to this piece and made it deep with feeling.
    Maybe a few other words could have been used to help convey the emotions in this piece.
    The imagery was felt in this and you've made it where all of us that read this partake of the moment.
    That's good I like that.
    The only thing I might suggest is to go more in depth with the scene around you to help.
    Like about the traffic, was there silence on the road or a busy street?
    It might not matter as much to other people but it could add even more imagery to it

    Being in accidents really is no fun!
    I agree with what luna said about not stopping to write.
    I really enjoyed the imagery in this piece a lot and think you are a great writer!

    Kari


  • lunatick
    March 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i wish i could critique, but to be honest, english wasn't exactly my favorite class.

    although, i can, in ways, relate to this. heading back home, i was in the passenger seat looking out the window, and then bam... there was this odd smell, and the car wasn't moving anymore =x

    ahh, well. i'd say i hope you haven't been in a wreck recently, but i'm pretty sure you would have told me if you had

    anyways, don't stop writing, i actually do log into AP and check your stuff on occasion!

    • -BlackKnight- gold member
      March 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Nah, haven't been in a wreck lately (not since November, and I wasn't driving), but it seems like a lot of other people I know have been getting into wrecks.

      Also, when did that accident you mentioned happen?

      I don't plan to stop writing; it just takes a while for me to come up with something.

      But then, sometimes I don't always post what I write.


  • hilly
    March 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like the use of "punch," gives it intensity, although I did think that a bit strange since the first two stanzas were kind of...what's the word...mellow? No. Neutral maybe? I don't know, I think I kind of mean that it seemed sudden, which is fitting I guess.

    • -BlackKnight- gold member
      March 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah, I figured it might read a little weird. The suddenness was intended, though; everything's fine one minute, and the next...not so much.


      • hilly
        March 21, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        yeah, i figured that might have been on purpose. thanks for entering.

1 - 11 of 11