I wait among the mountains old,
I feel the darkness come, so cold.
The world looks on, but cannot see,
there is only one who can help me.
A twist of fate, through tongues of flame,
She's a fire, no one can tame.
I whisper pleas to you, through her,
but things can never be just as they were.
You must listen to her silent thoughts,
to undo the pain that has been wrought.
Pray that she will do her part,
so this world can make a brand new start.
Author notes
Part of a project im working on...thought Id get some feedback that i trust lol I love you all!
Please be honest, don't be afraid to be critical, I'm all for improving my work:)
Comments
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Liked the flow,rhythm and rhyme in these couplets you used in this poem. Feel you forgot the title, as the first line was used instead. I have done this a few times, and then went back and added a different title.
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Thanks for rhyming! No one does that anymore. Only caveat is meter and I gladly admit I'm no expert. Just a for instance: to keep the rhtyhm, I might change line 8 to "but things cannot be as they were." That aside, I love the thoughts behind this piece.
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well done! my favorite line " so this world can make a brand new start.thanks for sharing
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this is a good poem! my favorite lines are lines 3 and 4.
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