i'm screaming as your hand slips around her waist.
what a waste.
and your hand lingers for a moment too long,
and in my head i'm screaming to not let this go on.
Th same old lies, in a different place.
There's blood on her lip, and tears streak her face.
so maybe i'll just daydream for a while,
and dream about killing you,
for killing that smile.
I'll never forgive your small-talk and lies.
I will dream about holding her, and wiping tears from her eyes.
Author notes
..This actually does have a very interesting story to go along with it. Thanks CandyKnife for letting me vent. :]
and thank you mucho shanee. for venting. :]
- Bis Lesbians Gays and Transgendered group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Get It Uffing Out Already ! by Candyknife.
800 points, ended April 10, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Did this make any sense??
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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I will dream about holding her, and wiping tears from her eyes.
I love these last 2 lines.... I'm sorry you feel this way sweetie, if you ever need to talk, I'm here for you.
Lillie
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Wow, this is really powerful. In the beginning, I thought this was another 'break-up' poem- you know, the speaker is upset that her ex is with another girl. But then it turns. I see this as a person looking at an abusive relationship and feeling sorry for the woman. It is very powerful. Great job on this!
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yeah.
mhmm. and its really sad that so many people dont notice when this happens, but the one person that cares, is the only person it bothers. :/
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This was quite sad. Extreamly powerful! The rhyme and flow was absolutly flawless and i love the poem through and through.
'so maybe i'll just daydream for a while,
and dream about killing you,
for killing that smile.'
I loved that part. so powerful and evil. Oh my that was excelent
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thanks.
that's my favortie part too.
its really, psycho...like sreamy, but serious.
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Great write. This reminded me of the band 'With broken wings'. This was evocative, sad and angry at the same time. Great imagery and even better rhythm. I loved how you let this build. Great write.
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This totally made sense. It honestly reminds me of my best friend and his threats against my ex... It's a wonderful write. You did an awesome job getting your feelings out in this poem. Such a sad situation, but again, good write
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heyyy..
yeah. its a very similar situation, bu this isnt from my point of veiw, its from my (overprotective) friend shanes.
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Hey, this piece made a lot of sense. I can really feel the pain and anger vented within this write. Its always good to vent anger and you did it with art and it turned out amazing. I feel that i really understand what you were trying to get out. Absolutely brilliant. Thank you for sharing. I think you deserved a trophy though. Good luck with the future, all the best.
Sammie,
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thanks
yeah..true story i guess this contest helped me get it out.thats why i think it went so well.
thanks sammie
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i like....
i realy like this...i can see a story in my head i almost wanna go kick this guys ass myself....
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haha.
thanks. it feels good to have someone that doesn't think i'm completely psycho. XD
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whoops! clappies
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What's the story? I'm curious Good luck in the contest!
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hmm
Certain people don't deserve certain things.
And most people are just....blind.
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I agree... I can clap now
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nice
i liked it subtle and inderstanding
the rhyming was nice and unpredictable so good job
ty for sharing
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