Obscured beyond the perfection of you
Kissed with your baby’s breath essence.
This that dwells within wants to shout
This that knows you, dwells without.
Creations held on a line of gossamer
Strands that float in tomorrow's ether.
But should it be greener on the otherside,
This that dwells can no longer hide.
Should you know, beyond doubt
That this is insanities shout
Look upon this that dwells without.
Author notes
my username is FallenAngel09
A contest entry
- A B S T R A C T I O N S.....W E L C O M E by Exit-Stage-Right.
1000 points, ended March 24, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter your last posted poem by whispernthedark.
425 points, ended March 22, 2008, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Thank you for the revision, but there's something you're still not getting regarding the rules: "Treat me to unusual words cemented together with exotic adjectives shaped in unusual ways... profound snippets connected by tenuous threads of sumptuous sonic melody." It's a nice poem, you're just not tapping into what it is that I'm looking for. Best wishes, Jim.
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Let me know when you get past the pre-amble
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I love this, that last line made me laugh out loud. Great write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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