Far across a crystalline, blue sea,
white-capped, billowing, and free,
there lies a land of mansions grand
with Elven boats upon the strand.
A happy people roam at will
and dwell in mansions on the hill.
A shadow reaching from the dark
can find no grip in vale or park,
for on this fair land’s ruler’s hand
you’ll see a bright and golden band:
a ring of ancientry and power
that greens the fields and gilds the bower.
Bright-eyed Elven maidens roam
across this land that they call home.
No hint of evil yet has played
through mountain pass or emerald glade.
So still the land lies, still and fair,
despite foul stench in far-off lair.
A dragon rousing from its sleep
within a high, cold, armoured keep,
feels biting pangs of hunger deep,
and maidens soon will wail and weep.
Swooping down upon the town,
whose lady ruler wears a frown,
and feels the cold, and bitter taste
of misfortune flying from the waste
that lies beyond the fair realm’s walls,
and doom that echoes through its halls.
Like lightning crackling from the skies,
the starving lammergeier flies,
and swooping low it soon espies
tiny figures, hears their cries,
and soon is circling home to dine
on haunch of Elven maiden fine.
The Queen must quench her bitter tears
and quiet all her kingdom’s fears.
She sends a message far and wide,
No one is safe till dragon’s died.
Then from a far-off mountain vale
comes word that hope might yet prevail.
A mighty hunter will attempt to slay
this fearsome beast and make it pay
for depredations and fair maidens slain
beneath its cruel and brutal reign.
He’ll transfix the dragon’s slashing maw
with a bow no other man could draw.
Soon all the hounds began to bark
as he made his way from out the dark.
He picked the fairest maid of all
as bait to stage the dragon’s fall.
With the dawn the dragon came,
with mien that put its fame to shame.
As the dragon swooped to seize the maid
the hunter rose from where he’d laid
in wait; and drawing back his bow
aimed quickly, but he aimed too low.
The arrow struck the creature’s scales --
he heard the maiden’s piercing wails.
Another then he drew and nocked
and knew the dragon saw and mocked.
This time the arrow straightly flew
and pierced the dragon’s eyeball through.
And striking deep into the brain,
the dragon knew that he was slain.
But sorrowful the man beheld
the maiden’s blood that gelled
around the creature’s gaping jaws;
and on its slowly writhing claws.
His arrows had not saved the maid,
and still one sees where she is laid.
A green and verdant mound her grave
while thorns adorn the dragon’s cave.
The legends grow from year to year,
and sad they are for all to hear.
He never once the maiden kissed;
he loosed the arrow, and he missed.
Although the second shot flew true,
he knew he’d still forever rue
the carelessness that cost the life
of she who’d have become his wife.
Author notes
Option 3: finality, curtain call, dying of victory
This is very loosely inspired by a number of a fantasy books I've read over the years.
In a list
A contest entry
- To Those Who Read THE WHEEL OF TIME...or Other Great Fantasy Epics by Duobat.
392 points, ended June 2, 2008, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme and Flow part 4 Fantasy - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
4000 points, ended June 26, 2008, 29 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Let's hear it for adventure by davidwright.
600 points, ended July 19, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Yet Another Wonderful Contest :) Pre-Writes Now Allowed by Vintage Chiffon.
750 points, ended April 29, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think.
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Thank you so much for entering my contest. I enjoyed this poem very much and I am glad that it made it to a finalist round. You enjoyed your prize very much and I hope to see more work from you in the future.
-Damien -
Great rhyme and meter!
The story isn't half bad either. I like your piece. It is a very good fantasy write. Well done!
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A very good poem. I was stricken by the oddness of the title though. The first lengthy story that I ever wrote (back in 2002-2003) dealt with a large battle in and around a village by the name of Retal.
And there just happened to be a dragon.
Strange.
And again, wonderful poem! Fully deserving of the hardware and applause.
Blessings,
C -
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This poem ...
was written for a contest in which the host gave a list of titles to use for a poem. I chose "The Dragon At Retal". That's how it happened. (I was just reading some of the comments on the poem and noticed your comment.) -
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Funny how these sort of things just pop up in life. Loved the poem. Great work!
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Amazing
Awesome poem truly woven together in a magnifecent way -
An excellent tale of dragons, maidens, and fantasy. The ending has a variation that is just great, if sad. I am usually not a great lover of fantasy tales but you had me enthralled with this one, both the story and the poetry are wonderful. Thank you for converting me.
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It's a good fairy tale reminiscent of St. George and the Dragon fun to read though. Thanks for being a contestant and happy trails
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Wonderful poem. It was nice to read something different focusing on a dragon for a change.
Blessings,
~Evolet
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I feel I must add my congratulations personally, although Jeff has already spoken on my behalf. A wonderful fantasy tale and a joy to read, great imagery and story.
Well done...Sue -
Fantasy always sees you at your very best. A gripping tale in with lovely rhyme and flow. Looking forward to your entries in the later rounds.
Thanks a lot for this one
Jeff and Sue -
Thank you for the journey this write took me on consistent rhyme and meter in a poem this long is a rare talent. I really enjoyed reading this
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That's very nice of you ...
to say so. I can do that if I feel up to it. It's mostly depending on how I feel, and that's the problem lately. I just don't feel up to it.
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Oops ...
another double post.
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Well done on the poem, i think it's got a sollid basis of story and well written lines. My only issue would be the rhyming couplets and tetrmeter. it gives any piece in this form a very repatative feel as the reader recites again and again the four beats and end rhymes. The metre seems perfect, to your credit, and so are the rhymes, but embarking on a set of longer lines or at least the inclusion of breaks between stanzas would make it more enjoyable to read.
thanks for sharing it, best of luck.
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I think ...
you have a point, and I've broken the poem up into smaller stanzas.
Thanks for stopping by and reading.
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Stunned
WOW!!!
I was entranced, completely enveloped within this mastery of story-telling!! It's so beautiful and so tragic all at once, I'm completely amazed!!! ^___^
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Another well done tale, brother. Write on. One.
Dez
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A good tale, fun to read even though the length made me a bit wary. I myself have writing at length. Sometimes it simply must be done.
I think there is still a few bits and pieces you could cut from the overall poem, but I think it does quite nicely.
Well done!
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I would ...
be interested to know which pieces you think should be cut since I agree that the poem is a bit overlong.
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FANTASTIC TALE!
And per a recent conversation you and I had. You claimed there might not be any real living heros left. Ha! Untrue! This fantasy tale so masterfully scribed by you instills hope in a future however make believe it's essence might seem to a few. Call me childish if you must. But, this fantastic story tale expertly written is a work of true art! Bravo and kudos for composing a smooth flowing,impectably scribed in metered rhyme moral piece that lifts the spirit of even the most negetively effected of souls.A true masterpiece of pen to paper verse worthy of top notch publishing stature.
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classic, and worthy of publishing...fantasy writes have always intrigues me, however, most seem to fall into the trends of 'princes and witches'
which fascinated me as a child, but with adulthood comes the craving for more intellegent work...so we have here a poem that does the job of holding the readers attention, is perfectly formed, and uses enough sophisticated vocabulary to contend with the cleverness required in the contest..."A green and verdant mound her grave
while thorns adorn the dragon’s cave."
perfect
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The contest holder wanted to see how clever you are and I guess that you have just proved that you can tell a really good story.
This was a joy to read and re-read from beginning to end.
All the best in the contest...
Sue
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Overall you are quite good at this writing lark you know!
Fantastic poem, Flowed from beginning to end I want to have large enough lungs to read it without needing to breathe.
Just re-read it, still as good, nothing more to say, excpet I am going back to the top of the page.
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Thanks, but ...
I'm afraid you're being rather too kind. I was experimenting with an older style of writing, and I'm not at all sure it worked as well as I would have liked. I normally would never write anything like this, but the contest called for using certain titles, and I expect I've mixed far too much myth and Lord of the Rings stuff into this.
I've been rather ill and perhaps it's just water on the brain.
Sadly, Lyndon just informed me that he is far more ill than I am. It's rather daunting to find how many on here are suffering from terrible health problems.
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Epic tale
Well told, a whole story in a poem with lots of rhyme. Very nicely done - it drew one in, flowed and was fun to read. This one has to be a trophy contender.
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"Then from a far-off mountain vale
comes word that hope might yet prevail."
Sighhh. I always thought it would. 
Ooops. I was s'posed to keep it to myself. 
This is a beautifully penned epic piece, Scribe. Good luck in the contest, my Friend. 
Wanda
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Sweet!
I enjoyed the well crafted inversions... what is often a cardinal sin for neophytes writing with a heavy hand, you have pulled off with panache and aplomb.
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Thanks ...
I seldom do that, but I was really doing a different sort of writing than my normal style, and I thought it would work. I guess it does, although I don't think I'll do any more of this.
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