It’s unjustifiably
The things that go on behind closed doors
A war that no one sees
And all the indignities
People don’t even know its happening
When its right in front of their face
They step aside and pay it no attention
To the wanton war that will never cease
They close their eyes and bow their heads
As they say a prayer of justice and an end of wars
To a man who they say knows all
A man who they say is merciful and righteous
Little do they know when the man they are praying to
Is the one who allows these merciless things to continue
Just as they do he turns his head and looks away
From all the wanton wars still hiding behind thin doors
Author notes
Not my normal type work
A contest entry
- The TITLE contest...show me how clever you are... by Demington.
700 points, ended March 24, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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i like it
i dont care what anyone says, i like this poem, it is a great poem and as for rhyme, rhyme isnt what makes a poem, and fixed rhyme sure as crap isnt, writing what you feel is what makes something great, and i think you made this poem great -
There are a few grammar mistakes that could be easily fixed. Overall I am not really drawn to the direction of the poem.
You might want to think about making it completely free verse or perhaps fine tuning your scattered rhyme to make it a bit more coherent. When you're trying to send a literal message with a poem you should plan the structure so that the message isn't lost. If you're trying to bring the reader into an emotional state beyond any actual message or plot then go ahead and make some chaos.
Overall I think this poem is a good attempt, but short of your true potential. Thank you very much for entering the contest!
Blessings,
C
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