. sorry not really and punctuation in the thing i forgot when i was making this in my paint program
Author notes
About a clock that has chimes The poem is written as if the clock was speaking Personification I think its called
all comments and applauses for poem
http://allpoetry.com/column/show/2338556
In a list
A contest entry
- Promote Your Best, And Get comments while you're at it by RyanosaurusWrecks.
7015 points, ended April 23, 2008, 22 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Peer Pressure (Vote) - 3 (last, if nobody shows interest) by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended April 2, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Very Easy !!! by Loveandblessings2u.
1000 points, ended April 28, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - POEM NOT FOUND (404) error error error (prewrites allowed) by Alex Hex.
300 points, ended May 19, 2008, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
like synchronise man!
yeah!...
w a new pair of boots
-Jas
-
Cool personification...
I loved how you described time passing
-
I really love this. Not only do you have personification, but you use other literary elements to add to the poem. Great write!
-
hehehe funny so come to my site and read one off my poems it would meab alot to me to have someone with your talent read one off my poems and tell me what you could read um beanth my feet or guys are so freakin or love idk one of my newest ones just read the one that catchs your eye the most please thank you for sharing with us veiwer
love your veiwer
kathy
aka
scarred for life16 -
A very interesting personification! If a clock could think and speak, im sure this would be along those lines. a very interesting read
-
Very good write
I now the feelings and have been there done that . Its as though you feel you at times are out of body and looking upon the world about you yet still imprisoned within unable to fly with joy . This poem brought it all about and memories laid to rest from times gone by . The thue work of art here keep up the good work
-
A good write and presentation. Very nice personification of the thoughts of a clock. Good imagery, flow, rhyme and tone. Nice descriptives and depth of feeling. Good word choice, alliteration and assonance. Well penned and much enjoyed. Congratulations on winning Silver and Honorable Mention. Well deserved.
-
WoW
This is awesome! your background and your words...I love it!
Reminds me of all the long nights that I cant sleep...yes it does just make you feel like you want to scream:f so pleased to see the trophy's!
-
I really like your poem,
and the way you outlined this and also the background was great. I like it when the poet takes the time to do their piece up right, making it not only sounds good, but looks good to. I enjoyed reading this. Great job...
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
good luck in my contest. -
Lovely
I Love This Poem Very Much....You Made The Clock Come To Life, And I Agree With epitaph-macabre, With All The Grim Reaper Similarities...
Well Done, My Friend!...
- xXxPsycho KillerxXx
-
Grand quillinf you have here. LOVE IT
I cant help but think its more then just a clock! I like to think that this clock is a reaper... waiting eagerly to extinguish someone. IN a way time is the reaper of us and the way you worded it i didnt see so much a clock but father time the death angel. IM freaking morbid. ~I LOVE your poem.
-
I like the way you made the inanimate object come to life and let us see the thoughts. Your style and rhyme was awesome. great job.
-
Simple yet quaint
Simple yet quaint. While listening to Foreigner's Juke Box Hero makes me understand a little more about clocks and what they mean. I think that your poem was able to express your initial intention. I believe that you did an excellent job of creating an atmosphere that is graphically enlightening. I think that you also were able to express through words what clocks are supposed to be and what they are supposed to do. What inspired you to write this piece? Just curious.
-
-
I like that you took an inanimate object and gave it thoughts. It was fun to read.
-
I like the story in the poem, and I feel a little bit 'ALICE IN WONDERLANDISH', listening to a clock talk ! Very creative and the flow is nice! Good job!
~S~G~
-
I like the personification of the clock, and of course, the complimentary background. Very unique perspective, and a refreshing read.
-
woah I had a total brain freeze and had to read this three times to finally realise it was from the perspective of a clock, which makes sooo much more sense! I like it! I love poems from the perspective of objects, its inventive and original to give something voiceless a voice. I really like the way you incorporated this 'voice' into the poem- like the clock wants people to realise its presence. Very well done, I really liked this.
Thanks so much for sharing,
KP -
Wow this is just awesome no doubt about that,I also relate to this,this is truely a masterpiece,Hazel
-
The ending was amazing! great write! beautfiul.
-
Superb
Wow, there is a lot of depth to this apparently simple write. Very well done indeed. I could really relate to this. Thanks for sharing it with us.
-
isabelwk
Really great imagery. I can feel your frustration
-
I like the rhyme of it , it makes it flow together nicely. You've don e a great job with this and i hope you keep up the good work.
-
aww, it's a cute poem, i like it ^.^
-
Oh how the clock rules our everyday life...even when in slumber in the dark of silence the time clicks by letting us know morning will soon arrive. You have captured everyday time, which I feel many will relate with . Well done, thanks for sharing
-
Fun to read and you can sure feel how that much that clock wants to chime. Enjoyed..debby
-
Effectively Empathetic
I never thought before how a clock must feel about being so wound up inside and how it must hourly share its pain. Time indeed does not pass without leaving hurtful scars. Wonderful work!
-
well done
Flows nicely. Good rhyme and rhythm. Develops an intriguing image.
-
I love the concept! Keep up the great work
-
This is well composed, a very different perspective, interesting to think of how a clock makes constant noise, we get so used to hearing it.
-
Nice job. I like the background and how you made the picture poem. Good luck you your contest and gratz on the gold.
-
I really liked
half past the stroke of midnight
I feel the urge coming on
To strike another chime at one...
Tick tock says my mind
....just like the sands of time
I find the above lyrical, pretty, not laboured in its rhyme
I do like the slipping thru the hourglass
but not so much
the rigid mind, pass, time, glass rhyme structure of the second stanza
I like the sentiment of the third stanza , the rhyming structure, but i felt something about its flow was a little out, didnt rhyme as easily and as fluidly as the first and parts of the third stanza-though I liked the quiet, bear, hour, air end rhyme-just something a bit overly dramatic about the tone there, and something about the rhythm of each line didnt appeal as much as the opening
-
haha, I can relate to your clock as if it personifies me because I am up and down all night long, practically with every hour. The church bells take a break from 6 pm to 6 am and luckily we don't have a cuckoo clock, but something is always striking me.
Good luck in the contest; I agree that anyone who deliberately clicks featured poems in order to put them out of their misery should be shot on sight.
-
I like this. You are gifted. It is creative. Keep writing.
Love
Wayne Leon
x
-
well
There are more advertisements in your poem than around it. I think that if you focused more on the poem and less on the marketing, you could really go far.
-
i like it. never read anything from the PoV of a clock before but i think you did it well. it's kinda funny, yet sort of scary at the same time. i guess it's the monotony of the clocks 'life' that's terrifying. i like the last coupla lines. all in all, well done!
-
Original, I haven't seen a poem written from the personality of a clock before. It kind of slacks a touch in the end, but that's probably just me.
-
I really like this
You have really done a great job with this poem, I will really enjoyed the flow and the rthym, should have been gold, great job, John
-
Creative thought process here with the clock. The rhyme was excellent and I loved it!
-
Cool, meter gets a bit stuck in the last verse, a few too many beats I think. you know I wouldn't really say this except that you seem to really want a comment, I haven't read your other stuff, but I would love to read some free verse you've written, without any attempt at rhyming..shall see what I can find..keep uo
-
well my dear seems the timelines skipped your pretty face .. and the poem is great too
-
fun
I like this poem. It's a fun read. It also seems to me a fresh take on the clock as a personification.
-
I love this piece its so calm and peacful. the Rhym and flow were very executed perfectly and it left me with a peacful feeling.
I have often wondered what a clock what a clock would sat as it slowlt ticked the time away. you have answered my question and I am satisfied with what the answer was.
very well written
- Ðustin -
-
Well written piece....love the personification and it flows smoothly....good luck...
-
Cool. I like the way you had the clock talking and the way it flows really well. The middle stanza is my favourite. Good luck with the contest.
-
Hehe... This is wonderful! I really loved how you talked about the clock... it was very interesting... and something new. Though, I would have liked if you did some more ticking and tocking... lol... well I guess that is what clocks do... not argue... anyways
Great write
-
well i did not click it in the feature, i looked in the popular thing and went in from there - tick tock, my clock needs a new sock lol well a battery a good poem.
-
Cara. You are adorable. I love your write, why wouldn't I comment? I know what you mean though, it gets old, wasting your points on thoughtless people.
I think your poem is wonderful, and I am one person that means it. I think you took a tired old platitude, and breathed new life into it. Your rhyme is flawless, and personally, I think I would have given this gold, had it been in my contest. I'm not just blowin smoke...LOL
O.k. Off to read your husband's work..
Peace, and best wishes to you!
Jin
-
i think it good. you have good rhyme and meter, and the poem itself is wonderful. THe page steup suits the poem perfectly.
-
Wonderful! I am new at this and this clock talk is the first I've read. You have a beautiful page here and I love your poem. Tena
-
More please!
Good rhythem and some nice rhyming too. I wish it was longer though there's so much more you could have added to this I think. Not too shabby overall though.
-
nice. i like the rhyming
-
I like this, written from the pov of a clock. "screams of ecstasy" doesn't seem to quite work for me. A clock would be concerned with wanting to be prompt. perhaps "prompt reminders every hour"...
Very nice border.
-
I really dig the title...
It feels like it jumps too much from one stanza to the next. I got the message (I think) but it was way different from what I thought it would be at the beginning.
All in all nice job.
-
That was a wonderful write thanks for shareing
-
I like the idea and the rythmn, not too keen on the colour though bit distracting. Otherwise, nice work.
-
This is pretty good. I like your rhyming, it wasn't too forced, and interesting. Great work!
-
i think out of all the poems iv read this is the best 1
-
Awe Inspiring
Emily Dickinson watch out!!!
Possibly one of the greatest poems I have read to date.
-
wow... honestly I thought this was amazing.... It's short yet descriptive. I give you a 10!
-
Exhilerating!
I love this poem because its quite creative.
To take on the mind of a chime clock and
give it emotion and personality is so cool.
I really liked this piece and thought
it was truly clever.
Great job my fellow poet
-
I really like this poem . Its a bit short for me . I would have liked something a bit longer to get in there . But none the less welldone . Keep it up and good luck in the contest
-
I, too, enjoy a poem about something other than love and heartache. Refreshing
-
This is a great write, the subtle half rhymes enable the poem to flow really well, my favourite lines have to be "The pain in keeping quiet, is more than I can bear" I really enjoyed this, best of luck in the contest.
-
very creative. i enjoyed this.
-
I like it - it's sort of...melancholy. I particularly like the last verse. Well done
-
I like it. It's a very interesting perspective. I love poems in which you know the "thoughts" of inanimate objects.
-
I like it
I honestly didn't think it would be good...Not too fond of clocks myself lol.
But I think you did a marvelous job on it. Very good use of imagery and That third stanza is my favorite. Alarming beauty, I must say.
-
Very nice, I liked the idea, and you did it well... No applause given but this is purely because I don't like being asked to give them...
-
I really liked your poem! My favorite part was: "The pain in keeping quiet is more than I can bear" My husband would say it was a female clock! Ha!ha! Very easy to read and understand...I like that some poems I just don't get.
-
I like this poem alot my favortie lines are
just like the sands of time
slipping through the hourglass &&&
So screams of esctasy each hour
over and over shall fill the air
-
Well I think it's a little stiff, and there's only like one metaphor in it. The good news is, you rhyme very well, very naturally. The length is perfect. Good luck!
-
i really like this, its different, this clock has a lot more to say and think than most people realise, great write. good luck in the contest.
-
I really don't care for this. There is a lot of cliche and empty verbage "sands of time through the hourglass" - would a clock really say that? The rhyme and meter is really sing-songy, and it doesn't really say much at all.
Personification is one thing - but a poem doesn't have to rhyme and sing-song. Instead of saying what is obvious for a clock to say, try finding something a person wouldn't expect it to say.
Let's say it's a grandfather clock; something like "you touch my innerds every day just to see if I'm still ticking - your hands are cold, please warm them" - that brings so much more meaning to a piece than "tick tock says my mind"
You asked for critique if I click, here's my honest opinion.
P.S. It's not polite to ask for applause. -
I love this .. the clock can be an excellent metaphor for so many things. You did a wonderful job with this... and I like that its different and creative. I look forward to reading more...
(and your not being rude asking for comments.. really its a win win for you and the other person)
-
I like this piece. The clock is not only speaking, it is thinking. And that is amazing. You did a real good job on this.
-
This is a great use of personification.The lines in the second stanza are simply awsome. I really adore the imagery too. Best of luck on your contest.
-
Nice.
In the third line, you need "strike" instead of "stroke".
The wording in the first and last stanzas bothered me, but I cannot say why; just a bit awkward for me.
I did not understand what all the stuff was at the end of the poem; it should be in the author's notes as it clutters the poem itself and makes it sound like you are buying votes for a contest.
You may want to spellcheck your author's notes, also. I know it is nitpicking, but some of us who read those things let it colour our thoughts on the poet.
Overall, a nice poem.
rous -
I really liked the angle from which you approached this theme. The idea of a clock that can't stop itself from chiming rather took my fancy. I found it an enjoyable read with a nice flow.
-
The thing about rhyme... you have to have a fixed rhythm.
In the first verse you have 7 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second, 8 in the third, and 11 in the fourth.
So: 7/7/8/11.
Usually you should try to stay within a 1-2 syllable range for a good flow. 7/7/8/7 would have worked best here, I think. Eleven syllables in the last line feels like you're forcing words where they don't belong.
Then, throughout the rest of the poem, you need to continue that same pattern. So the second verse should be 7/7/8/7, etc.
Good rhyming poems have tight structure and stress syllables in the right places. It should sound like music. Read it out loud-- it's a lot easier to tell what sounds shaky and what sounds good.
As for the personification part of it, that's good. You have indeed written the clock's voice quite well.
Hope I helped.
-
I love the poem. Great rhythm and rhyme. Both are impecable. I hope you do well in the contest.
-
I love the flow in the poem, very nice. I also love your rhyme.
-
I really liked your poem. Your word flow was great and very easy to read. My favorite was the middle section. The poem shows the anxiety of having to be quiet until dawn. Great, loved it.
-
I enjoyed this little trip inside the mind of a clock!
I suppose each time a clock chimes it's like it's own little personal party! lol!
Good luck the contest!
Peace,
Lorena
-
great idea! (oh and yes it is personification) btw the reason people click without commenting is that they are rude, selfish bastards that want their poem to get featured more quickly. I've had lots of people do that to me. I can see on the list who clicks and who comments ...
bloody waste of time featuring a write is and yet I still do it
I hope you get only worthwhile clicks and comments. (sounds like a poem in the making) This is a really clever write.
-
I really like this, an interesting idea and written very well. I would have imagined it hard to write from the point of view of a clock but tis done well!
-
This is quite good and I like the metaphor used. A nicely written piece Cara.
Paul
-
This is a really good poem. I love it because it's all an analogy and has a nice feel to it.
-
your view on the clock is quite interesting. best of luck.
-
I've never thought of a clock in this way before. This is definitely one of the most interesting and skillful personification pieces I've ever read. Your word use was amazing. I don't think I'll ever look at clocks the same way. Thank you for the privilege of reading this!
Well done.
-
"just like the sands of time
slipping through the hour glass."
That just sounds awesome. I liked the poem!
-
i loved it!
so much it was so goooood i love using metaphores and i can understand the idea of the clock -
great
I really like this. Its nice to find a poet who writes about something other than love or pain. Also, the imagry was brilliant.
-
VERY GOOD
YOU USED YOUR WORDS WISELY ITS A PERFECT PERSONIFICATION OF AN INTIMATE OBJECT CONGATULATIONS ON THE HM
-
I actually really liked this. Especially the lines,
"just like the sands of time
slipping through the hour glass"
The wording is beautiful. I like the rhyming and the flow too. But I found the title "Clock Talk" a little strange. Still, this is a great poem.
-
first I didn't get it.. but then I got it. and now I have it. <.<
it's an interesting poem, I like the way it's written. -
This is really great! It's short, simple and fun. you did beautifully on this poem and I wish you good luck in the contest.
Sincerly,
Toddy -
Great.
This was actually good,
I thought it was amazing,
I mean I never imagined a clock like this
but now that I have..it's awesome.
Lovely.
...Simply Me♥ -
HI Its really New way of seeing Time.
Adding your comment:
