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I'm not gay!

A dapper dan of a man walked up to me
and said "If you are gay, I am free".
I looked him over- he smelled nice
but I told him once, I told him twiiiiiiiiiiice!

OH! I'm not gay
not today
or tomorrow or the next day after that
I'm not gay
there is no way
you may like the dog, but I like cat.- ME-OW.


you drink dacquiries I drink scotch
so quit staring at my croootchhhhh

because I'm not gay.

I'm not gay you silly beast
I am not
your macho feast
now you best be a skippin'
or I'll give your ass a whippin'- Oh behave!

I may be in touch with my feminine side
but I"m on my second briiiide
because Im not gay.
Im not gay
do my hips sway?
I just dont think you understand
I shop at walmart- yes its true!
and I play hockey too!
because Im not gay.
oh im not gay

you are such a sassy brute
I do not eat that kind of fruit
IM not gay- no siree!
im not gay- oh not me
im straighter than an arrow pre flight
im not gay- its not for me
im not gay- cant you see
Its not for me to say if its wrong or right
but
im
not
GAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
IF you continue to assess me
and with your eyes undress me
I'll just walk away
because im not gay.


I may like a facial now and then
but not the kind you get from men- OH GROSS!
because im not gay
oh oh oh
im not gay
not today
there is no way
because Iiiiiim nooooooot gaaaaaaay
no way
no way
no way

seriously dude im not, so quit askin!

Author notes

written from the viewpoint of a man who is not gay but people think he is sometimes because he has feminine qualities...any resemblance to bald poets alive or dead is purely coincidental.

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • galfalfa gold member
    May 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    LOL, me thinks thou protest too much? This had me giggling when i first read it and again now, thank for the reminder Terry,

    Bravo, its perfect

    galfalfa


  • Abbey Normal
    April 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well, up untill this very moment I didn't realise how humorous you are.

    This is great!

    Though, I often wonder sometimes about those that feel the need to keep reinforcing the fact they are not gay. It's almost as if they are trying to convince themselves as well as others.

    Anyway, this would make a wonderfully trippy music video. I can see it now, and it's blowing my mind.

    So, thank you for sharing it.


    • Ogreatbaldone gold member
      April 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Abbey, I blame my humor here at AP on Galfalfa, seems I blame everyone for my work doesnt it? I do not feel the need to reinforce the fact that I am not gay. this was inspired by a conversation I had with my boss- whom I went to high school with( isnt highSchool a great name for a place where teens go to skip out and smoke pot?) . Anyway, after i finished high school I worked as a waiter at a popular bar. I dressed really nice for work and a few people figured I had to be gay to dress so well, luckily the rumor was quelled by the fact that i would take home a different woman almost every weekend- (sometimes two), but the convo i had with my boss inspired this little ditty. my friend galfalfa has a friend who sings and I am hoping to get him to do at least an audio version of this for me. glad you found it humorous...peace


  • Abby Apathy. silver member
    April 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    fantastic.


  • Touchof1der silver member
    March 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my freakin' gawd, this is sooo hilarious! How in the world you thought this up I will never know. In fact, I'm not sure I WANT to know! I agree sweetie... you ARE a goofball! The rhyming scheme is perfect for creating lyrics out of this. It would make a great barroom tune.
    ♥ Touchof1der

    • Ogreatbaldone gold member
      March 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      well kimberly. i thought this up becasue when I worked at a local bar, after I finished high school, as a waiter, there were a few people who i went to school with who thought I was gay, and my new boss( whom i went to school with) brought it up a short while ago..I was not then nor am I now gay( although I am a snappy dresser), it bothered me back then but now i can laugh at it-hence this posting.thanks for stopping by to read my friend...peace


  • blue-eyedbabe
    March 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    you're a goofball.

    clever and i could definitely see how it was a song...if you get someone to sing it, please let us know how that goes :-p

  • ecrivain01
    March 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    LOL

    You're a trip. This is funny though.


  • Edna Sweetlove
    March 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Most charming. You have a typo "femine" (line 19). I have to say I am suspicious of men who refuse to admit they love it up the ass. I naturally make an exception for you.

    • Ogreatbaldone gold member
      March 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you Edna, for making an exception for me. glad you found it charming..I am working on getting someone to sing this for me because it has a real catchy tune(in my head anyway)...peace Terry

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