He is a monster who is driven by sin.
With veins that protrude from every inch of his skin.
A beast with a desire that must be fulfilled.
The liquid that he holds has to be spilled.
Never does he struggle to rise from the dead.
To release his venom from the hole in his head.
The givers of life, kneel at his feet.
Waiting for the moment that his quest is complete.
Instructed by the beast to finish the act.
They disappear out of sight and go on the attack.
Consumed by the wishes of their leader and king.
They present their God with his new offspring.
Author notes
pappacass
(31st May)
In a list
- DARK POEMS • next in list
- HONORABLE MENTIONS • next in list
- POEMS OF METAPHOR • next in list
- ADULT OR EROTIC POEMS • next in list
A contest entry
- Cryptic Tongues by Violent Serenity.
1200 points, ended April 19, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Where's my stinkin' trophy? by Great Cthulhu.
1500 points, ended April 25, 2008, 47 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate Goal by N e a r.
20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What are your thoughts on this topic?
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Not sure what to make of it. I can't say I particularly LIKE it, but it does intrigue me, and the idea is somewhat unique. I respect it for what it is, but that which it is does not appeal to me. I like dark, and I like tasteful erotica, but it just seems to glorify and to bash the male genitalia, and male libido in general. The Bible does not tell us not to enjoy sex, but to do it within the confines of a marriage as a means to increase that love.
I first read it and felt there was no real fire, but I think there is definitely some passion there, but if it's a mantra or a beastly army of reproducers you're heading for, maybe poetic devices such as repetition and heavy, monosyllabic words would work?
Well done for making me (and any other reader) think so hard about the conjured feelings with your writing. Thanks for sharing it with me
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This is now one of my favorite verses about the penis. I love the Monty Python penis song. Wonderful write, I enjoyed this immensely, too funny. Nice rhyme scheme, well done. Keep your pen to the page and thanks for entering!
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You truly scare me brother o'mine!!! A fantasticly dark and morbid piece by you....Best of luck here
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No picture was needed for this amazing piece. your words painted a very vivid image for me. Good luck.
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omg lol
this is very unique way of seeing this. i love the imagry and wording you used keep it up and good luck in the contest ^.^
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Yes it is a bit weird, as you have marked it. Good on you for stepping outside the square and delving into demonics. The creativity flows...
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umm wow very interesting to say the least thanks for your entry
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Your rhyme and flow with is is great.
The way it works to paint the picture is superb.
you have done an awesome job here.
Riftkin
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Ok so now I know what this means I have to say it is brilliantly done!!! I wouldn't have got it in a million years, but like I say not great with metaphor. But this is superb...really superb.lol. So very well penned dear brother!
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A divine piece of darkness, so very well written. The flow and rhyme are spot on, as ever
Love the tale you told, some quite graphic imagery within your words. Superbly penned, all the best in the contest with it.
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Very cool write, I love your ending line. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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Interesting take Pappa, I don't see the darkness of it (aside from where it takes place), but a really great read, I enjoyed this very much, I really did, a breath of fresh air.
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driven by sin indeed....hey this is a good write, you have done well with the metaphors...is it a sin to smack my girlfriend on the forehead with the beast?
thats a joke...well done -
ahh so dark and yet so amazing. this just made me shiver but kept me entertained for the enitre thing, a very hard thing to do. thankyou so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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I like the fact that you call him God. I think that's very symbolic to the male gender. For thousands of years the phallus has been worshipped as a demi god. And the fables and stories were passed down through means of memory, story telling.
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This was smooth, all the way through. Good job with this one.
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ummm this has a ncie flow but would take out the in "They disappear out of sight and go on the attack."
but a wonderful poem, and great write.
take care
stephanie =) -
Brilliant! Excellent storytelling, rhyme, and imagery.
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Excellent flow, brother. As always the end line rhymes are flawless and the metaphors are on point. I like the fact that nothing is blatent and all is alluded to. I mean a child could read this. Only us corruted in minds would truly understand. THAT my friend, is appreciated. One.
Dez
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Dark and chilling piece! Sacrifices presented to a dark god.. yikes!
As always your flow and rhyme are awesome!
Love this spooky piece!
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I love it. I'm not even sure what to call it. The rhyme and flow are great. And anyone old enough to be reading it on here cant appreciate what is being said. i tend to avoid the adult themed poems but this one was worth it.
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Great job. This is a very original concept. It is well structured. The rhyming is great. I was reminded of imagery that I have seen in some graphic sci-fi novels.
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