Sitting beside the small blaze
In a clearing beyond the trees
Inky shadows moving
Noiseless in the breeze
Eyes reflecting fire
Glowing in the night
They hide there in the darkness
Staring toward the light
Demons stalking midnight
singing at the moon
Howling of their battles
A grizzley, haunting tune
The ever patient hunters
Cornering the beast
Anxious for the slaying
Hungry for the feast
Slowly edging closer
Positioned for attack
Methods in their movements
The instinct of the pack
Their sudden rush upon me
I fight with axe and knife
Grappling this brutal foe
To save my very life
Breaking ranks they fall away
I'm left wounded and stunned
But I vow to fight until I die
Wolves of the Wonderlund
Author notes
This was fun. I have always liked wolves and this contest was a good opportunity for me to think about it for a little while. Thanks and I hope that you enjoy the poem.
A contest entry
- The TITLE contest...show me how clever you are... by Demington.
700 points, ended March 24, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think of this poem?
Comments
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Ah yes...I liked this before and love it still. It is whispery...as if these are the last thoughts of a dying man...
I like this version very much. -
A very nice poem. One quick correction, there is no "S" on Wolderlund. In fact, this might help out that last rhyme at the end of your poem.
It really isn't too big a deal, but I had to DQ someone earlier because they refused to even try to use one of the titles I provided so I only want to be fair.
The rhyme scheme of this poem is traditional, which I typically do not like. But it served you well in this poem.
The first stanza was a wonderful bit of imagery. Like a fine piece of new york style pizza...just greasy and oozing with adjective goodness. It sets the stage wonderfully.
The ;ast line of the second stanza is too a bit weak. Perhaps it seems forced, too contrived in an effort to maintain the rhyme scheme. I would suggest changing this to something more vague, or at least a bit mysterious. A comment like, "staring at my light" perhaps?
The only real suggestion for the third stanza is that you try switching "Howling" and "Singing" around. I think the switching of these two actions will give the lines a more haunting feel. Singing at the moon ~ Howling of their battles. Just try it and see how it feels to you. If you don't like it then no worries.
The end is a bit sudden, sort of abrupt. The last line is quite nice considering how you make no mention of wolves in the rest of the poem. A pleasant sort of revealing.
Well done!
Blessings,
C
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Thank you for the constructive comments on my poem. I appologize for the mistake in the title and appreciate the suggestions that you made. After looking back at the piece, I found that I agreed with all the suggestions you made and I also took it upon my
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