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This Summer

Summer time
though I don't have time
to wait for you to call

This summer
I want to have fun
not organized fun
but real spontaneous trips to town
so distracted we forget to eat
and that we breathe
until we're breathless

I want to swim
in clear water that reminds me how
to move and be moved
It's been years since I last felt water
and I mean really felt it
as if I don't actually feel it at all

I want a summer that helps me forget
about you and last summer
which was great until you turned into winter
missing cold hot pumpkins at fairs
and wishing we were the way we were
before they invaded our world
and now it's yours and theirs
not ours and mine

This summer
I want there to be a deeper meaning
to life, to love, to peace
I want to realize that life
doesn't have to be a metaphor or a simile
but rather that it just is and can be
I want to know we'll be OK
apart from each other's lives
as much as I may wish we could be
the way I'd dreamed to be

I don't want small talk
and sweet commentaries
but real conversation
under a dim sun
and a disappearing moon

This summer
I want him to blame himself
and not others and me
To learn shame
and find forgiveness
and know I'd give it to him
if he learned how to love
not only in the summer

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Hebz
    June 20

    Edit | Reply
    I want that too

    Well Done

    Thnx for entering & Best of Luck

    GloriousGift
    Hebz


  • swim.x
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I don't want small talk
    and sweet commentaries
    but real conversation
    under a dim sun
    and a disappearing moon.
    I sometimes have this feeling when I know I'm totally in love with someone but they don't like me. They know nothing better than small talk because they can't admit there's more below the surface.
    Congratulations on a write I can completely and utterly relate to and good luck in the contest.
    Chin up,
    Swim.x


  • LivinitupCutie
    July 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wonderfully written and interesting to read thank you for entering my contest and good luck!!!

    Keep penning!!!
    lieu


  • hugs and kissies
    July 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    a very nice poem thank you for entering my contest and good luck


  • RawrSmileBabyPlz
    June 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow i like how you described summer so well. This poem is greatly written and worded so well. I could picture everything as i read it. Nice job. thanks for entering my contest. I wish you the best of luck.
    ..<3..
    Shelly


  • z etoile
    March 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome summer flings are intersting aren't they. Loved how you penned this out awesome write. Thank you for entering the contest!


  • SurelyWritten
    March 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    All your thoughts begin with "I" or are coming from a singular perspective except in lines numbered 9 and 10. It may sound better as
    "And I want to breathe
    until I'm breathless..."

    or something along those lines.. I like the story-line though, I think we all feel that way when summer approaches, that we want something different and exciting. Life can get stale- this coming from a creature of habit who never does anything unplanned..

    A more creative title might strengthen this, and it would certainly look better when I judge.


    I am asking that everyone in the contest send me a message or respond to my comment telling my why they chose the particular poem they entered, for my contest. Only contestants that do this will be eligible for winning when it comes time for judging.

    Thanks for entering,
    Shirley

    (A more critical review may follow during judging, but no applauses will be given to any entry, even the ones that deserve them.)


  • hilly
    March 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I will just point out that you misspelled 'disappearing' in line 39 and 'pumpkins' in line 20.


    • Voodoo Eyes
      March 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Oh, thanks. I forgot to use the spell check all together. I misspelled spontaneous too. But all is better now. Thanks again

1 - 9 of 9