As the pen is lifted from the desk
an upsurge of scorching frustration erupts
thrusting it's claws into the walls,
grating its nails
and finally grinding through flesh till only bone cleavers remain.
Then it lets out an intense ripping scream,
a pounding blade of air that fiercely lacerates the walls
stemming cracks from the marks like veins from an artery,
this overwhelming power gives rise to a hurricane of agony
annihilating the room leaving nothing but destruction,
a cyclone of misery.
The intense shriek bursts the poets ear drums
creating a white raw silence
and as the blood spits from the ears, the poet falls to its knees,
looks up with a mangled frenzied face,
like a statue portraying hell.
Finally using its newly carved tools
the poet digs into its skull to harvest its mind
seeking the blood from its soul to drip onto the page
so that it soaks into the fibers to set its immortality.
A contest entry
- Imagery by InMyFlames.
800 points, ended March 31, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything goes! I want your best! by urapns66.
375 points, ended April 23, 2008, 25 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - EMOTIONAL!!!!! Looking for the best. by Condemd RyeZing.
650 points, ended June 2, 2008, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything by crystallynnbradford.
300 points, ended July 30, 2008, 88 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Thoughts & Emotions by albinoblacksheep720.
700 points, ended November 27, 2008, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Nice flow...
I like it. A lot of imagery. It has a lot of flow to. Good job. Good luck. -
wow this was really good. i loved the metaphors hun
thanks for entering nd good luck -
Good imagery and write best to you in the contest
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Koodles I love this poem!!! Good luck in this contest!
Blessed be
mystic
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Excellent write, very powerful and well written with good imagery, and meaning, well done. Thanx for entering and good luck!
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THIS IS REALLY REALLY GOOD
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I liked the emotion you displayed in this poem, and the intense word choices. The way you portrayed frustration as bearing ‘claws’ was clever, since frustration often feels like a beast threatening to cause havoc on an individual. I thought a ‘hurricane of agony’ was also clever, adding to the feeling of chaos in the poem. I imagined a terrifying scene when I read it, with tornados/beasts/screaming. It reminds me of how I feel when I have an intense emotion but don’t know how to explain it through writing. The frustration is beyond torturous.
The only suggestion I have is to change ‘it’s’ to ‘its’. ‘Its’ is the possesive form, while ‘it’s’ means ‘it is’. It’s used improperly in the third line and the last couple lines of the poem. Other than that, I adored the poem. Thank you for sharing.
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Fixing mistakes now, thanks.
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The title "The poets cry" should be "The poet's cry".
"grating it's nails" - "it's" would be "its".
"and as the blood spits from the ears, the poet falls to it's knees," - I think "their" would work better than "it's". But if not, "it's" would be "its".
"Finally using it's newly carved tools" - same as the above, I feel "it's" would work better as "their". If not, "it's" should be "its".
Same with the repetitious use of "it's" for "poet". (suggestion, and writing).
Actually, in saying that, it is quite repetitious, you really do not need so much of it.
-Nam -
Excellent write, very powerful and well written with good imagery, well done. Thanx for entering and good luck!
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awww come on, wheres the GORE the HORROR the EXTREME CAUTION???..well overall i did like and I have to admit this is GOOD...thanks for entering!!! -GOREgous Gore
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excellent! but work on the apostrophes
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this is good i could feel the power that went into this write]
thanks for the entry -
WoW! That was awesome. Nice. Great job. I love the metaphor. Great.
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Very well wrote.
You used very descriptive words.
And i love it because you made it so understanding!
BRAVO!! -
Nicely done. You do have a way with descriptive wording. Best wishes and thank you for entering.
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god i love this poem so much emotion truly a great write i honestly liked this one it is pretty awesome! lol not a lot to say but i really like it =]
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nice poem, you did a great job! good luck in all of your contests
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Finalist
Excellent man. -
whoa this is so good, i love the wording its so vivid and not boring! i love this
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I think you can really cut back on the overly done adjectives. The imagery is good but I believe you will make the images much more powerful if you do not run on too much but instead, make really concrete metaphors that will illustrate the picture you are trying to illustrate.
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I do love my adjectives
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fdgfdgd
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Very intense
I'm sure this is a feeling we are all familiar with, and your imagery is quite good. This really could inspire nightmares. I do think the capitalizations seemed to not be in the right places. The poet falls to "it's" knees, would sound better as "his", I think. I, also, find the punctuation and line breaks are too uneven. I can definitely identify with the feelings, though.
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Loved this piece.....great imagry, I love the thought of a poet goving over the edge...I feel like that sometimes...and yes our blood does stain the page with words driven from the soul...wonderful write.
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damn thats good
wow , i dont think i wanna sleep tonight, ill have nightmares, excellent poem, superb imagery and totally enthralling, well done hell
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