At times you'll hesitate,
at times you'll hate.
At times,
You'll even skip a beat,
just
to read it one more time.
I scribble with a crooked smile,
Knowing if she left me now,
Look what she has left me-
The golden cornices of Babylon,
Ishtar naked at the edge of the Tigris
in the morning mist;
the sound of water licking the shore,
where I am found,
abject, wretched and bound.
Or,
Catullus & Clodia
in the gray Roman dawn,
drunken, clothes askew
stumbling through the forum
wine sloshing from their cups;
as they giggling
at their gravidic gods
motionless in the murk
which rises
with the mist from the Tiber.
I let the words slide
smooth as satin in your mind.
Let your thoughts ride
next to the serpent on the Carousel;
I let your heart swell,
set your spirit free
like the clapper
in the bell.
And when you ring,
you ring inside me,
Cause me to see,
awaken me,
and the words
like a drunken bride,
slide.
Author notes
Written December 4th, 2003
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1 - 18 of 18
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Very interesting poem here... What actually intrigued me to read this poem was the fact that I have a poem here on Allpoetry by the same name - both poems extremely different though, of course, I discovered as I read yours. I don't think that I really have any critiques for you, so all I can really say is well done. If I'm not mistaken, I think you made a reference to the epic of Gilgamesh (which disturbs me slightly considering I am currently reading it for my world literature class). I should also mention to you that I truly enjoyed the line "the sound of water licking the shore" for its wonderful imagery - great way of capturing the sense of sound and sight. Overall, well done on this piece.
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AMAZING!
Wow! I'm stunned...I don't even know what to say! This was an AMAZING piece of poetry, that's for sure! Wow! Thank you for such an amazing read! Keep up the great work!!! -
Excellent work! God, I got the last stanza stuck in my head, and my best friend is looking at me like I'm crazy (well, what's new?)....ANYWAY, it's BRILLIANT piece of work, and I adore how you sprinkled it with mythology. The flow was perfect, and even though I'm not so big on free form, I love this one.
Great job! -
beautifull
exelent work words wonderfully weaved together to create a beautifull poem, thank you for sharing this with us and keep up the good work, beautifull
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very good
Love the imagery in this. The whole poem paints a colourful picture in ones mind. Well done and great write -
excellent
HA this is really a good write here excellent well done thank-you for sharing keep penning for I will keep reading your work great stuff.
take-care keep your pen flowing always awesome
shez -
As I read this I could see a half crooked smile and the words flowing from the lips that intoxicate leaving the reader to want more, daring not to look away for fear of missing billance. Awsome write here.
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hadn't read this .. there is the tigris..cool. a scribe with his papyrus and stylus .. and a smile .. a carousel .. the word slide .. i like this one. -
let your heart swell,
set your spirit free
like the clapper
in the bell.
And when you ring,
you ring inside me,
Cause me to see,
awaken me,
and the words
like a drunken bride,
slide. ~ This is my favorite part and I have to say, one day whetehr you like it or not,you will publish a book for little girls to read deep in old libraries hidden between the shelves.~Daina
Edited on Jan 15, 7:31 p.m. because ''. -
exquisite
Ah, I think you have captured perfectly the relationship between the poet and the reader - the appreciation which feeds the muse which feeds the reader... At least, this is what I see in this piece. And, perception is truth. Hope that this rings your chimes.
Thanks for sharing this...I will, I believe, think of it often - both as I read and as I write. (Look what you've left me.) 
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"I let the words slide
smooth as satin in your mind"
You always do.
(What can I say Lute? I could babble about how good it is, or I could go and read another one of your poems.
)
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How well you craft a work when infused with mythological references! Those entities were decadent little spirits, weren't they? I fine this to be like a heady wine; good to the very last word, and some that will stick for days to come. This has a brilliant baroque romanticism to it (but does that make any sense what I just said?!) I like this poem as it flows over quite well. Wonderful pieces you always seem to turn out...
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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I love the way you intersperse you poems with mythology and stuff, brilliantly done.. I liked this one Mr Lute.. made me smile as I dipped into your words.
~GILL~xxx -
I write short poems and so have a weakness for them as well...The last 3 stanzas of your poem could well pass for a poem on its own!
Very nice expressions! -
Okay, more things I'll have to look up. You'll have me being uber smart by the time you're done. Gotta say I loved:
"And when you ring,
you ring inside me,"
It's just romantic and I like that kind of thing. YUP!!!
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I liked to play with this.. the images and references such a pleasure to mull over
especially:
set your spirit free
like the clapper
in the bell.
and the words
like a drunken bride,
slide.
.. I agree with Desiree "Oh shite, this is good."
~Scarlet
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Quite apart from my obvious liking for the references, I thought the two images (or series of images) were superbly evoked. Catullus and Clodia alive.
The close is wonderful, too. (Though 'satin' less so).
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Hehe this one sort of had me smiling at all the stuff she'd leave behind. Some fancy stuff there Lutie. Last time I left the only thing I left behind was an empty bottle of Bali Hai, a half eaten Kenny Rogers roaster and a toothbrush but hey, that's just me.
And then I got to these lines......
And when you ring,
you ring inside me,
Cause me to see,
awaken me,
And I thought Oh shite, this is good.
Desiree
Edited on Dec 04, 5:57 p.m. because ''.
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