When I was just a sweet, young child of six
A handsome lad would take me by the hand,
And we would romp through woodlands to the stream,
Like children did when life was left unplanned.
True innocence felt freedom’s new reward,
And happiness, took center stage for free -
There was no price attached to all we played
Our days were spent in Summer endlessly.
Soon Autumn came our simple lives would change,
And I was left with feelings of despair -
When Richard shipped away to boarding school
That Summer was the last we’d ever share.
Those happy times we shared would never die,
My mind was set to ne’er forget that fling.
Though other seasons woke with no compare
My first love stayed awakening like Spring.
Those days long gone and so my many moods -
I soon would learn the art of save the dream,
Much of my time was spent in fleeting hope
And longing for that innocence supreme.
I heard the news about Dick’s tragic end
As Summer slipped into a brand new file,
I sorted through my mind’s old photographs
The best ones yet, are Dick with unfeigned smile.
© 2008 Joy A. Burki-Watson
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Author notes
My fantasy poem was written based on the poem:
Richard Cory - by Edwin Arlington Robinson
1869-1935, written in 1897
WHENEVER Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.
And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.
And he was rich—yes, richer than a king,
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
A contest entry
- Richard Cory by Yemassee.
1700 points, ended March 26, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Thank You for leaving a comment about this poem ...
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Congratulations on the Silver. Well deserved.
Ken
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Excellent take! You gave a soft tone to that poem, and it worked so well.
Congratulations on the well done work!
Mari
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Your poem is a nice contrast to Robinson's famous Richard Cory. Unlike Robinson's cold, abrupt ending, yours is more tender, almost whistful in the way it delivers news of the suicide to readers. Well done.
Good luck in the contest.
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I'm neither too old nor too smug to remember that first love and those carefree summers. Now in the autumn of my life I'd just about anything to enjoy one more day such as those. Alas, they are but a memory but oh how sweet of you to remind me. Good luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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Thanks.
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Hey it's not still here, lol. Just put it back please.
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Good, it's still here.
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This is a sweet poem, which is both compliment and criticism. I think you do effectively capture the sentiment of looking back at lost love, you certainly fulfill the competition requirements, and you hint at possibilities behind the suicide. There is nice phrasing, and I don't think the sentiment is out of synch with the time period of the original poem.
That said, the drama of the original, the heavy contrast, the stateliness and horror are absent. The reaction seems a touch mild and sweet from someone hearing of their first-love's suicide. It's still nicely written, though.
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Great, the first three entries in my contest are not only very good but all approach the poem from a different perspective. In yours, you reflect on youth with Richard Cory, and I like that you familiarized the name (Dick) as one who who knew him closely, especially in youth. The poem is beautifully written, and you've captured aspects of the original poem, like declaring him a handsome young man. And of course your poem can't speak of who he was as an adult, for the speaker didn't know Cory except in youth, so that makes your poem logical.
Your poem definitely has a wistful, melancholic charm with unobtrusive rhyme that in no way hinders a smooth reading.
The last couple lines are very effective since they bring light on Cory before he began to hide painful thoughts behind a false smile. That was creative and well crafted.
Having said all that, I question line one's, "sweet young thing." It seems a little too trite and cloying for such a beautiful poem. Of course that's just a thought, but it seemed a dubious start for such an exceptional poem.
It would be good to have a supportive poetry group where people could discuss ideas and to better explore thoughts on what fits and doesn't in a poem. Wow, I'd be there every day asking for opinions on which lines of mine work and which don't.
But make no mistake, I think the poem is effective, intelligent, and as I said, exceptional and thank you for entering it in the contest.
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Beautifully written and rhymed. A tender and poignant take on the original--very well done.
Bill
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I have to admit I think your poem is far Superior to the one you based it on A bitter sweet piece I absolutely love the final stanza That is not to relegate the rest of the poem Which i think is wonderful Excellent all the very best in the contest
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