What ticket is this,
wherein lies the bliss,
from a bullet's hard kiss
of oblivion?
What tempts them to flee
all that's fated to be,
Mindless madness set free,
what has driven them?
To sacrifice hope
when they simply can't cope,
by guns, poison or rope,
choices offered when..
Hearts fill with despair,
till they dance without care,
into deaths arms to share,
unforgiven ends.
An unfinished story
written peaceful or gory,
much like Richard Cory, Judas,
and sweet Marilyn.
Throughout history we find
souls who silence their minds,
with self-inflicted crimes
and we will again.
If you note someone's sorrow
give them hope they can borrow,
brighten up their tomorrow,
they might face it then.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Artis
A contest entry
- Richard Cory by Yemassee.
1700 points, ended March 26, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Great message, and clever container which works particularly well for the first two stanzas. Honestly, the hard driving rhythm is a bit out of touch with the sentiment for me; still, it almost converts me. The scansion of the last two lines of the third stanza isn't quite as clear. That combined with the fact that the line/stanza and phrase diverge for the first time make it an akward moment (I think that dropping the comma might actually help smooth this).
Well done; fun to read, and a meaningful extension of Robinson's poem.
Brian

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Artis you make me swoon!!! Your words are magnetic, I always get excited when I see you've posted new work!!
your faithful follower -
"If you note someone's sorrow,
give them hope they can borrow,
brighten up their tomorrow,
they might face it then."
Beautiful thoughts & poem...I love this...
I have missed your words ..


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I'm so pleased with the first three entries in this contest. I feared not only that no one would enter, but that if they did, they might just post something not pertaining to the contest. But those fears were unfounded.
I certainly don't have the answers...what provokes such an end. I'm sure there's no simple, cut and dry reason, but in situations like Cory's it certainly makes you think that (as your last lines state) that if someone knows and takes action to help and advise, that sad fate wouldn't have taken place.
Your poem certainly takes a different look and in a different poetic style from Robinson which I both appreciate and applaud.
Thanks





