Like a cascading waterfall
your smile washes over
the stones that harden my heart,
cleansing my soul.
When I have to be apart from you,
selfishly I clasp your smile
and it becomes the very heart
of my being.
Not even the autumn sunset
nor the waves that tickle
earth's shores
can ever compare
to the surge of pure heaven
the mere curve of your mouth
elicits within me.
I feel like a child
awaiting some precious gift
as I watch your face in sleep,
just to see you wake
and your smile begin
at the corners of your mouth
to reach your eyes,
dazzling like the sum of every star
on the clearest summer nights.
For, my love, I am living
within heaven's embrace
and to be denied this treasure you bestow to me
would see my world crash into darkness
and my heartbeat cease,
burning within the furnace of hell.
Author notes
'Your Laughter' by Pablo Neruda (a humble attempt)
Take bread away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.
Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.
My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.
My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.
Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.
Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die.
In a list
A contest entry
- The Asshole's PIF: Good Poets Borrow, Great Poets STEAL! SERIOUS POETS ONLY by Avatar of Innocence.
1600 points, ended April 12, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Eloquence of Neruda by Carpe Noctem.
450 points, ended April 15, 2008, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Nice...couldn't find anything wrong with this poem in terms of style and diction. An almost disturbing, if not dangerously sentimental plea for such a simple gesture. I wonder if it is good or bad that this could be inspired by true events...Hmm...
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i really liked your smile. it shows alot of emotion and depth. it really moved me.
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beautiful
I especially love the beginning very good imagery. So encouraging is a smile. This piece brings a smile to one's face. -
A well written poem. No denying it is well written and a beautiful piece.
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Absolutely wonderful. So genuine, real love with real feelings. I loved the flow, it all meshed together creating a relatable concrete beautiful peice...bravo
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Wow!!
Congratulations on being Featured
Beautiful weaving of words my Friend and Love the message expressed based on Neruda who has Inspired many to pen from Spirit~
My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.
Wooooooo Hooooooo
Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
Many blessings to You in the contest Sweet Soul
Best wishes too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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Very nice.
This is so very touchingly delicate a write aliceinPoetryland.
Paul
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this is great
this seems like it took a lot of drafts to write but it is realy good
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I doubt Neruda had as many mechanical errors. Please check that. Plurals don't need apostrophe " 's "; only possessives need it. Your plural words have a few too many of these mistakes.
Lines 11 & 15 need revision.
If English is not your native language, disregard the harshness of my comments, but please rewrite. If you need more help and are willing to endure my advise, let me know.
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Am happy to accept your advice I have revised and would greatly appreciate a relook.
Am usually ok at punctuation except for apostrophes! They have always eluded me!
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oh this is such a superb piece of writing that is lit up by a heart emotions. its amazing you write perfectly gran
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Excellent...good luck...
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