spring forest
two labradors running
through bird song
In a list
A contest entry
- Vernal Equinox...Celebrate! Haiku Contest by Haiku-bless-you.
550 points, ended March 25, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Beautiful Haiku! Your work is lovely! Congratulations on the Bronze.
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A beautiful visual spurred on by bird song. Pleasant to read
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Good on you
for gaining acclaim in third place. The top three are always at the whim of the judge. You have done very well.
Love, Ron. 
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Solid imagery, motion and bird song too! Every thing is individual but meshes together enjoying Spring! Dogs running through bird song is a lovely image to picture. Well Done
Thanks for your entry.
Dennis
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What you have here would have been a perfect spring haiku but for one thing - you mentioned spring! Even so... even so...
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you are right ... thank you for the observation !
any suggestions on how to transform the "telling" into "showing" ?
how about "budding forest" ... "perfumed forest" or something like that ?
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Mindfulness! Rewrite it if the moment is there, or do not touch it! It is already perfect in its own way.
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Hello Marion.
This is a beautiful poem; a lustrous haiku. Not a word too many; nor a word too few!
I run no longer but I will in my dreams tonight, through birdsong with two labradors.
Ron.
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I like this very much, as you change from visual to auditory impressions. It reminds me of my girlhood, when we lived in the woods and I walked with my dog.
Best of luck!
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Beautiful and since I'm the proud owner of a Black Lab... or should I say she owns me. I really love this.
Love,
Amera
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I see many birds running away from the labradors...birds, feathers, sounds...song
Just lovely!
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in my scenario, they are actually safely perching in the trees ... but yours is more exciting !
thank you for opening my vision to alternative options of interpretation ...
and for the hugs and clappies ...
mari -on
ps. you are really cute on this pic !!!!!!!!!
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Ah, very capricious critters...with a forest full of bigger game, they take after the birdies...reminds me of a certain government I know.
"through bird song"
I asked the resident haiku guru Mariwhatshername to help me with that line and I think she saw it right (and that makes me furious, lol)
It's the dogs running through a group of birds, startling them which both explains the sounds and gives rise to the metaphor of spring...renewal, startling, etc. Some of that was my idea so I want credit too...in fact just give it all to me.
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of course you get all the credit !!!
and mari does, too !!!!
and maa does, as well !!!!!!!!
and haikumonk, because he has given me the green light for this one in his amazing-amusing class ...
well, as I already said to mari, my vision was more ethereal, just an empty space of birdsong and the dogs running through it ... the original birds are happily sitting on their branches, at a safe distance to the labs ...
somehow like in a concerthall, a person walking through the music - but not necessarily through the musicians
marionette
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Wonderful write. Very clean... solid structure and vivid image. Well done.
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A lovely haiku with beautiful imagery and delightful aha moment.
All the best Sister,
Charishma
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Very nicely done.
Have a nice weekend Marion.
Jim
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And having the time of their lives. Very strong image.
Marlene
Happy Spring! -
Hey Marion!
This is so cute.
It produces vivid and pleasing imagery.
Well-expressed.
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