Ripped

Ripped
Torn
Shredded on the inside

I’m tired, so tired
Empty on the inside, outside
Every fucking side of me

I used to be so strong
How could I be so weak, bloodied
Don’t know what to think or say

All I can ask is why
And I’ll never have an answer
Paper can’t convey how frayed I am

So empty
I’m not even alive
I’d die to feel again

I’m lost, alone, tortured every day
By memories, thoughts, places, smells
Constant reminders I can’t push away

I can’t feel anything
Even my vices are empty
No longer vices, they add to the torment

I’ve got it all
Almost everything I could ever want
So they tell me

But it’s all meaningless
I’ve lost my soul
The part of me that says “I matter” and “I can”

Words can’t comfort me
Any help just slashes me inside
Thoughts I’ve never had before flood my mind

“What if” isn’t enough to keep me going
Doesn’t matter
I don’t even have that anymore

Sides of me I’ve pushed away before are welcomed
Choices that I would never have made before seem right
The inner conflict only adds to my pain

I can’t choose
I can’t breathe
I can’t live

All love is unrequited
“Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”
A lie that can’t comfort me