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Sense of Love

Can you hear me?
I can hear you
Your cries echo
Throughout the whole room.

Can you see me?
I can see you
Your tears glisten
Like the stars near the moon.

Can you feel me?
I can feel you
Your cold hands tremble
Throughout the winter noon.

Do you love me?
I love you
The bond we share between us
Is forever true.

A contest entry

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Comments

  • EmeraldDaze
    May 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hmm. I like the this poem, although I can see a few flaws...1. room, moon, and noon don't rhyme with true. 2. the last stanza broke the pattern of Can you/I can. Other than that its good.


  • Wingsy
    March 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    spechless!

    wow i acually this this may be one of my fav's that i have read so far in this contest! I love that its short but it flows so nicely that it i found myself reading it out loud! I love that you repeated the first two lines in each stanza and how u made them all work so well together! You did amazing on this piece and thought it out really well!

    Great luck in the contest!
    Amazing write!


  • UnManned4Ever
    March 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is really short but cute. I really enjoyed it. Good luck in the contest.