11. Remember me when I am dead
Remember me when I am dead,
remember all the things you said
which broke my heart and later fed
mistrust of you;
the words that caused this watershed
were never true.
When I am dead, remember me,
the laughter when our hearts were free,
the evening hours consumed in glee,
forever lost;
suspicion killed fraternity,
and what a cost.
Author notes
First line is borrowed from Keith Douglas:
http://website.lineone.net/~nusquam/simplify.htm
In a list
A contest entry
- Index of First Lines by Keith.
525 points, ended March 29, 25 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think.
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Very lovely fom here. I have not seen this one before. You words were lovely and conveyed that feeling of angst well. A much deserved shiney here....
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Congratulations on the silver Margaret with this wonderful write and observation. Yes, too late then..to alter or go back. 'Remember me when I am dead' by all means and that is great to be fondly recalled and brought to mind. But too late to say words that are kind and meant and mean so much to hear. Very thought provoking...love and hugs Lib x x
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Thank you again Lib. We cannot take unkind words back, and most people are too proud to apologise. They hang around forever, like a bad smell.
I have failed on that too, that is where tolerance and forgiveness show their value. Some people like their pride more than their friends, hence this poem. I'm glad you found it interesting. 
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Poignant, simple and in Burns meter.
Excellent!
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I could relate this week...
I can relate to this on many levels. I felt so badly this past week that I "felt" like I might die. Not to commit suicide and because I felt so badly I wasn't sure I'd boot strap it back up among the living. Yet here I be. When someone passes I think those who remain do remember the cost and time lost. I know I do. Dr. Phil says you can be right or get along. Now I just try to get along after learning "being right" isn't always right. There's only one March 18, 2008. There's only one of each of us. When someone bids their final good-bye in their last breath..; the final piercing nail in relationship is in coffin brought by death.
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Such a sad sad poem! Only a few lines and hardly more well-chosen words tell a lifetime's losses. I particularly enjoy the form! So simple, so perfect for the content of this poem!
I hope it wasn't true.
Terry
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I am truly fascinated with your ability for form poetry and to follow the style of another poet. The message is aptly broken-hearted and suggests love, betrayal, and tragedy in those short verses.
Karen
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Excellent I have nothing more to say
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Very nicely done! I enjoyed the read! Good Luck in the contest!
Maureen
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Excellent M. It's obviously you, though anonymized (I love that word). Who else would write in Burns metre? I think Rabbie himself would be proud of this wee poem. He wrote much on friendship himself, most notably in Auld Lang Syne, and I bet he never dreamt of how famous that would become! Your poem is brief and dignified, and its message about the value of friends in this world is a very true one. Without human contact, we are lesser beings. We only get the one shot at life (as far as I ken), so we should spend less time arguing with one another and more time uniting in friendship.
Then let us pray that come it may
(As come it will for a' that)
That Sense and Worth o'er a' the earth
Shall bear the gree an' a' that!
For a' that, an' a' that,
It's comin yet for a' that,
That man to man the world o'er
Shall brithers be for a' that.
http://www.worldburnsclub.com/poems/translations/is_there_for_honest_poverty.htm
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Thank you for this silver, Keith. I was away and have just returned. I love Burns' meter, thanks for leading me to it.
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Awww
The flow of this is amazing. It reminded me of the song " I will remember you " ..I totally loved this piece.
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Thank you Kari! I like your colourful name!
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hehe thanks!
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Are you CERTAIN we are not twin souls?
Wow. You spoke my heart.
As I so often say: there is a ghost roaming this world, consuming peaceful souls ... Let we rejoice in happiness, and accept sorrow as another form of laughter.
Wondrous work.
Love
Myra
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Who said we were not twin souls?
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