At summer's end,
they went to war.
Seeking, questing
(they knew not what for),
relentless...
as in the slow-darkening days
they lost the nourishment
taken for granted.
Stretching their scarred,
trembling limbs,
quivering fingers scraped the sky...
bare.
Once-abundant pools
of golden sun-nectar--
dissipated...
squandered by their very
vitriolic lust.
Ravenous...
slinking through dirt
--strangling those once closest,
all for a chance to quench
insatiable urges.
Crashes echoing,
but never heard;
pale bone splintered
in war-torn glory...
and nursing wounds
too deep for scars,
they dropped their banners
at last--
a red-copper blanket
of the fallen.
Only the sky paused
to cover them,
while an arrow of geese
bugled farewell...
now the traitorous-evergreen stand,
guarding forsaken graves.
Author notes
username: Catauthor
"Well, duh, of course she'd choose this one; it's the only one she got gold on!"
Um, not quite true. I mean, true, but not why I chose it.
Actually, for the "favorite poem" part, it was a draw between this and "Between the Crosses," but I think this is a lot better written, so I went with this one.
And to be honest, reading my earlier work in this contest has given me a headache. I really feel like I've improved a lot...do you, judges?
So anyway, thanks for this opportunity!
................................................
Personification; hopefully it came through as a forest in autumn (the trees).
Thanks again to Tyler, Helen, and Heather!!
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round 8 [Top 7] by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended March 22, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Teen Idol 7: Round 11 [Top 3 - Finals] Part 2/5 by Tangled Angle.
650 points, ended May 2, 2008, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I have been waiting for you to pick up speed here. I know the style and poetry you are capable of. I seen it through out the opening rounds - the auditions even. And since then - you really have just sat comfortable.
But this - something different, something unique and creative. I was hooked from start to finish. The breath of fresh and something new to the competition is right here.
This poem shows phrasing that is intense yet drifting. The detail and use of the personification was well interpreted.
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Your score: 97.9
First off, the different style had me hooked. You did something different, and I think that's really cool. Even if you didn't pull it off, you would have earned respect for going out of your comfort zone. I liked this.
The phrasing is different from your usual, but it worked for me. The repetition of "once" i believe was accidental and stuck out to me, perhaps try and rewording it? Word choice is kind of simple, but the ideas make up for it.
I like what you did for the personification. Had you just done a forest in general, it would have been a very predictable choice. I like how you made it a forest in autumn...that makes a huge difference. And also it allowed you to go into more detail. Great choice, great set up, and strong execution.
Loved it. Good luck.
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