A fountain floats from shore beneath clear skies
sun reaching out to warm pale exposed skin.
As dreams and memories surface within
she folds into herself and deeply sighs.
Comfort of the water warm and heavy
drew her close with whispers in the deep.
Curling up and drifting off to sleep
as Triton pulls her from the violent sea.
A twisted shell controls the rolling waves
which gently push the vessel toward the sand.
He reaches down a callused gentle hand
to wake the girl and point her toward the caves.
Now brought to rest on bed of ocean foam
watched over by the elegant blue cranes.
From treacherous rip tides and hurricanes
another soul delivered safely home.
Author notes
written for a contest.
still tweaking this one, constructive criticism is much appreciated.
A contest entry
- Pic Inspired-Beautiful by sweetgirlwa.
1500 points, ended March 20, 2008, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments? Constructive criticisms? Is the rhyme working? Does the last stanza fit? The last line?
Comments
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it sounds ok and its a nice poem
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I really did enjoy this very much. I loved the story that you told and I especially loved the last line. Fantastic work here and thank you very much for your entry.
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Well done for getting a trophy. I like your take on the illustration. I can just picture the gentle rocking of the waves with the sound of the sea on the rocks, in the warmth of the Mediterranean Sea. Don't tweak any more, this is lovely, it has 'feeling'.
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